These days, you really should be looking out for the ones with inconspicuous yet trendy canvas tote bags. There’s a 10-incher in there. Guaranteed.
Cut Down Every Tree on the Lakefill:
Felony eco-terrorism charges aside, this will really show admin they’re not messing around.
Confetti is falling from the ceiling. The powerpoint is now a blank screen. President Schill is naked. And 21 is nowhere to be found.
“But, I mean, I guess I would consider this my favorite song,” he concluded. Oh, James. Poor, sweet James. I give my regards to innocent baby boy James, who will never know what it is like to be able to check out anytime you like, yet never be able to leave.
You start to think that maybe her “unique financial aid package” of $500 a week isn’t coming from FAFSA. Her “work study” at Norbucks was actually a $38 an hour internship with Norbucks corporate that she got through “networking” (her uncle). And when she told you her family was fiscally conservative, she really meant that they’ve fiscally conserved millions of dollars of generational wealth.
Tomorrow’s our last class together, so I figured I should ask. I haven’t felt close to you since you attached that Wii strap to your pen, and also started scrawling unknowable symbols up and down your arms. These days I think the real mania is that which we create for each other. You’re not the quiet, sane peer I fell in love with.
We tried to meet with Braun for a follow-up interview, but she was wearing a 40 story building—and naturally couldn’t enter our much smaller building. However, be sure to catch her walking in this year’s NYC fashion week, where she’ll be draped in an entire suburban neighborhood!
Run and hide, but do not cower. Go onward, instead. From now until your next class period, and thenceforth into infinity. Show bravery eternal, for the soul of a Wildcat is not fickle.
Once matched, users can even play a Wordle-esque game where they have to guess each other’s NetIDs!
It’s fun, and oddly powerful, the feeling of creating Miis. Listening to their goofy little song. Picking them up by their heads and watching them struggle, squirm, like a butterfly caught in a net. Who should I make next?
You didn’t expect that asking Nana and PopPop to play a quick game of Yahtzee you found in the attic would end with a duel to the death. Now Gramps is calling you words that you don’t understand, but they’re definitely slurs.
These days, you really should be looking out for the ones with inconspicuous yet trendy canvas tote bags. There’s a 10-incher in there. Guaranteed.
Cut Down Every Tree on the Lakefill:
Felony eco-terrorism charges aside, this will really show admin they’re not messing around.
We understand that, at first glance, we may seem like an innocent tiny little ma-and-pa satire site that deals in sex jokes, but in reality, we’re responsible for reporting all the conspiracies which have been leveled against you…
Professors hate her!
Can you see why it’s a little bit hurtful to us that you’ve barely touched it yet?
The university will switch to Furrari, a rideshare service that employs local vermin and trains them to operate motor vehicles, effective January 1.
Kimye will be gracing us with their next child, Evanston West (fingers crossed!), very soon.
#4: My Overprotectiveness of Your Virginity
“What I witnessed in Lutkin Hall Auditorium – well, it was an experience I can only describe as a true deflowering.”
What a fun way to let those noisy little artists in on the fun while recognizing some obvious realities.
“Like any other club sport on campus, when we choose our members, we just do the classic kidnap, and then the good ole ‘drink or we’ll kill you’ method! Simple as that.”
"Students can enjoy a wide variety of foods that take inspiration from the fictional country such as “spaghetti.’"
"All of my friends changed their names too: Dreg, Tynsly, Wldksghads, and even G&*@!s.
“Invisibilia” discusses the invisible forces controlling human behavior and the world of pseudo psychology and futurology, so the Wildcats have decided to do their part by playing it extra loud for the patients at Evanston Hospital..
"Despite these charges, all 8,353 undergraduate students reported zero changes in their day-to-day life.
Have you seen those kids? So cool.
"My muscles are like dictionaries, full of definition."
"I will begin with an apology: Profesora, you are one of the loves of my life, truly, but we cannot be together."
“It’s what the kids need,” Smith said. “God knows it’s hard enough for them to get laid.”
"It’s really a great flyer and definitely deserves some recognition for the effort put in, maybe even a hug.”
I’ve met quite a few Ryans in my day, and some of them remind me of these buildings.
A basketball tossed somewhere on the floor behind you is a subtle hint to your life beyond the screen…
No one else in the bathroom cares about your presence as much as you do. Whereas they’re just there to dispel a regrettable Plex Burrito, you’re a gender-pioneer! Fun!
Soul Cycle might exercise your core, but being an ally exercises your moral core.
Whatever people want to do behind closed doors or in the dark corners of Shanley Pavilion is fine with me but please don’t shove your alternative percussion in my face. How am I supposed to explain that to my children?
Yeah, that’s right - you’re a North Campus 6 and a GENEROUS South Campus 4.5
That being said, Sarah, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
Using these tips, last year I got an internship on a farm where I slopped with pigs.
We tried to meet with Braun for a follow-up interview, but she was wearing a 40 story building—and naturally couldn’t enter our much smaller building. However, be sure to catch her walking in this year’s NYC fashion week, where she’ll be draped in an entire suburban neighborhood!
Once matched, users can even play a Wordle-esque game where they have to guess each other’s NetIDs!
Tucci, a man once described as “sultry'' by CBS, said of his decision, “It was time to use my sexiness for the benefit of all mankind. I’m ready to unleash my charisma on the anti-vaxx wives of America.”
These days, it seems just about everyone from your mom, to your sister, to your mom’s sister’s mom has taken the coward’s dive into 70’s fringe territory. And who could blame them?
Hey. How are you doing? Really? Don’t lie to me. Come on now, sit on Peepaw’s lap and gimme a big ol’ sloppy one - tongue is encouraged!
And Northwestern Basketball: Don’t even fucking think about it.
This discovery is no coronavirus vaccine. Forget the antibodies and any hope to regain your sense of taste.
In the socially distanced COVID-test line… I ran into the guy who ghosted me back in March.
As students are forced to quarantine for two weeks upon returning, it’s our duty to do this keg stand for our fallen brothers and sisters who cannot.
#4: My Overprotectiveness of Your Virginity
That being said, Sarah, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
It seems that nowadays, nobody can enjoy the simple pleasure of constructing and wearing an origami paper hat without having somebody else come up and diarrhea on it.
Using these tips, last year I got an internship on a farm where I slopped with pigs.
Request a copy of each roommate’s tax forms from the previous calendar year.
Step 1: Be in California because that’s where Kardushians are.
It’s time to get him a gift that says “I’m thinking about you but not like in a relationship way."
1. Norris Ice Rink minus the 3$ for the skates
I’ve met quite a few Ryans in my day, and some of them remind me of these buildings.