If You Didn't Bring Your Hot Dad to Family Weekend...Why?

This past weekend was family weekend, the one weekend a year where you get to see a Dad from Palo Alto shotgun a beer to prove he loves his son. 

I don’t know much, but I do know who has a hot dad. A DILF you could say. Yes, I’m talking to you. You specifically chose not to bring your sexy as hell dad to Family Weekend. When I specifically asked you to. God, you’re so selfish. I hope you got what you wanted. I looked for him at every tailgate and he was nowhere to be found. And I just want to know…why? 

Our team has been stalking your Instagram for months and your post for your dad’s 50th flooded my absolute basement if you know what I’m saying ;).  I was so excited to see the real thing in all his Northwestern quarter zipped glory. I’ve really been thinking about this a lot and so I just want to reiterate… why?

I looked like an absolute fool standing in the middle of the ZBT elevated surface holding a Cuban cigar in one hand and an IPA in the other. I viciously shoved people off to leave room next to me for him. I’m no longer allowed back there, and for what? 

What was the reason? Did you even invite him? Is he on a medical mission to West Virginia? Is he at your twin sister’s Parents Weekend? Is your Mom in the hospital? Does his 40+ recreational softball league meet on Saturdays? Maybe he was tired and you brought him to Bat 17 instead of the tailgate? Did he hook up with someone else? Does he not care about you? Maybe he could care about me? 

Is he free any other weekends? I’m pretty free reading week if he wants to come back anytime around then! I still need a date to formal… and someone of age to buy alcohol for the pregame. 

So, with that, we’re counting down the days until graduation, where we are REALLY counting on your zaddy to be there. Now there’s no excuse, you know we’re waiting.

Additional reporting by Dickleback