A Comprehensive Guide of Everything You Need to Know for Greek Life
Rush Week, otherwise known as “The Day of Reckoning,” is upon you. Fraternity and sorority rush is an important time during your Northwestern career—if you’re deciding to rush, you should know these key points about Greek life. Our Greek scene is so intense. If you don’t know about these major points, then you’re probably going to have a tough time during recruitment.
- Olives
Olives are a huge part of Northwestern’s Greek scene. If you want to be in a fraternity or sorority, you need to know how to talk about olives, plain and simple. They’re in our oils, salads, and sometimes you can even meet a person named Olive. If you even think you can Go Greek™ without knowing the difference between kalmata and oil cured, then just drop out now, because there’s probably no hope for you.
- Doric Architecture
One of the biggest parts of Greek life on Northwestern’s campus. Whenever I go to a party, someone always brings up the Parthenon and its destruction by the Persians. If you don’t know about this temple of the Greek goddess Athena constructed between 447 and 432 BCE, then you will be a social pariah. I guarantee it.
- Democracy
If you don’t know this 6th century BCE practice of giving power to the people, then I honestly don’t know what to tell you. It’s probably one of the biggest parts of Greek life. Maybe Greek life isn’t for you. Go ahead. Close this browser, shut your computer down, and then swallow the entire thing whole, because you’ll never make it.
- Geometry
Don’t even try to talk to me if you can’t tell me Pythagoras’ major contribution to mathematics. One time, I saw a freshman girl forget the theorem during a recruitment conversation. Do you know what happened to her? She’s addicted to crack. She lives in a Starbucks bathroom. Her mother can’t even recognize her anymore. I have no sympathy. It’s a dog eat dog system, and it’s on you to remember the facts if you want to be part of Northwestern Greek life, because we take this shit so seriously.
- Homer
I can quote the Iliad and the Odyssey by heart. Sometimes, I have stress dreams about the Trojan War. I can see the city being burned. Do you know how many times I’ve woken up in a pool of sweat after being stabbed in the chest with a spear? If you don’t wake up crying as Homer’s poetry flows through your mind like the running waters on an erotic river, you’re not really in Greek life. You’re just a poser trying to be in Northwestern Greek life, which is so fucking intense.
- Body Hair
Greek life is all about having excessive body hair, just like our ancestors. If you come to a dinner or a conversation without a mustache, a patch of chest hair, and a hairy crotch, you’re done. That goes for you too, ladies. If I can tell you’re a person and not a female Sasquatch, that’s it for you. Have fun walking into moving traffic.
These are the big talking points. I’ve done all I can for you. Good luck.
