Dance Marathon Participant Has Common Cold; All to be Infected

EVANSTON, IL - Weinberg freshman Stephen Linder has the common cold and will infect all participants in Northwestern’s Dance Marathon, which begins tonight. Linder has a sore throat and a runny nose, and everyone trapped inside the tent outside of Norris for 30 hours will eventually experience the same symptoms.

“Oh, boy, it’s going to be spreading like the plague in there,” said Tim McGuilicutty, MD Vice President for Medical Affairs at the Feinberg School of Medicine. Experts have confirmed that Linder will wipe his nose and then hi-five his friend, starting an uncontrollable transmission of disease that will reach every single dancer.

Officials confirmed that as they hit the second three-hour time block, dancers will begin to sniffle. By the fourth, they’ll have headaches; and by the tenth, they’ll be coughing violently.

“It’s going to be a cesspool of sweaty germs rubbing up against each other, like a human-sized petri dish,” said McGuilicutty.

To avoid infection, officials suggest not dancing. On a more positive note, doctors don’t expect to see any Saturday Night Fever during DM.