Northwestern to add PhD in Basic Projection Equipment
Last Tuesday, a university spokesperson announced that the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences would be adding a PhD in Basic Projection Equipment in the 2015-2016 school year.
This is apparently in response to about 750 instances in the past month of Northwestern professors fumbling with cables for upwards of five minutes and then chuckling as they defend themselves saying, “I suppose my PhD isn’t in projection equipment.”
Just last week, Marcus Schmidt asked his three hundred person economics lecture, “What are all of these fercockta options anyway? Does anyone in this room even know what HDMI means?” After they collectively shot him a dirty look, he responded, “You know what kids, I’m sorry that my PhD from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology put such a minimal focus on projection equipment, but all things considered, you’re still getting a pretty good education."
An independent study conducted at Northwestern revealed that Professor Schmidt’s confusion over projection equipment had caused the loss of more than seven hours of combined class time and three student deaths.
The Projection Equipment program will include seminars in RCA cables, USB cables, and VGA cables. Jimmy “HDMI” Jenkins of Projector Superstore LLC will head the new department.
