The Netflix Treatment: Which Other Shows Should Be Resurrected?
Arrested Development caused more of an uproar this weekend than an Apache-themed party at the Arizona capitol building, making every social media account the dumping ground for half-assed references to the banana stands and one-armed men. It’s nice to know that everyone can spoil the fun at the same time! Binge-watching is the new hip thing like moms in bell-bottom jeans or Hillary Duff’s clothing line at Kohl’s. It’s has the fun addictive properties of cocaine and the similar benefits of alienation from friends. With Ronald Reagan out of the White House and his crack battle long over, there’s no stopping this infectious streaming disease. Plus Barry dug the shit out of House of Cards. Here are some shows that should get to step out of the shadows and get the Netflix treatment.
The Amanda Show
Ms. Bynes has had a wild few weeks. From throwing glass hippie dildos out the window to seeking weave advice from Nicki Minaj, the lady is definitely ready for the primetime spotlight again. She already asked Drake to murder her vagina so she might as well ask Drake Bell to hit people with fish again. Amanda’s pleas in court sound like they are making fans say “Amanda Please.”
Twin Peaks
Nobody really loved where Twin Peaks ended up at the end of its second season. It was sort of like George W. Bush’s second term; long, filled with more questions than answers and severely lacking in yellow cake. But everyone loved the Psych episode that brought the characters back together. David Lynch needs something to do besides meditating and complaining about Apple software. Kyle MacLachlan has fresh TV acting chops on How I Met Your Mother, the Good Wife and the wildly popular Made in Jersey.
The Sopranos
When The Sopranos ended, the entire world got the biggest television blue balls of all time. A few seconds of a fade to black made people angrier than a few seconds listening to the Glenn Beck Program. Arguments about what happened to Tony split apart families. I still can’t speak with my second cousin. He is five-months old, but that’s beside the point. David Chase needs to man up and let us know what happened. Maybe Tony can see a psychiatrist in heaven. Charlie Sheen needs a reliable contact before he gets up there.
Courage the Cowardly Dog
Before you saw that guy wanking on public transportation, the only thing that inspired nightmares was Courage the Cowardly Dog. It was so heinously horrifying that I began to hate my grandmother for owning a dog. The fact that it was purple and fought ducks from outer space added insult to injury. People want to journey back to the Middle of Nowhere, at least to find out if Courage can ever protect his family for good.
The Hasselhoffs
A&E aired a show with David and his two daughters in late 2010, like a Christmas miracle wrapped in a crotch-clenching black speedo. It was cancelled after only two episodes and I haven’t been able to sleep since. The Hoff went on to make a creative and sexy Carl’s Jr. commercial. Germany has been pushing for the show’s development for years now, even offering to stream it publicly on Angela Merkel’s chest.
Netflix is doing a better job at social alienation than halitosis could ever accomplish. And with these additions, its breath can keep on stankin'.
