Update: Roommate and Her Boyfriend Still Perfect Together
With what has clearly been a practical joke played on you by Residential Services, your continually mopey roommate is still together with her equally mopey and regularly stoned boyfriend. The horrendously cold weather has thrust them somehow even closer together, and you’re stuck right there with them thus ensuring your slow human decay into something they will invariably cuddle on.
The short-lived selfish joy you experienced when your roommate and her boyfriend broke up for 36 hours has come to an all-to-quick close. While this period was filled with splendor, it was cut short when your roommate got tremendously drunk, ate all your fruit, then threw up in your cereal box only to call him to take care of her. At least it helped test and prove your theory that they are perhaps slightly less insufferable when they’re together because at least he will take care of her shit.
You’ve come to consider them large Netflix-watching throw pillows. Somewhat unsurprisingly, never have any two people until this pair believed so firmly that they could turn invisible by not moving or speaking when other people are in the room. In that way, you sort of admire and appreciate their love.
Here’s to another quarter of them not understanding how whispering works and him saying it’s probably okay for them to have sex because you look like you’re asleep. Simply consider yourself the resident of a “haunted dingle” until you finally give up and move all your things into your boyfriend’s double.