I Lived It: I Was The Gay at a Sorority Formal
Reporting by Goldman Ballsachs and Puff the Magic Daddy
Everybody told me that winter quarter of freshman year would be tough, but after receiving my first invite to a sorority formal, things seemed to be looking up. Emily, being in a long-distance relationship with her high school boyfriend Josh, asked if I would go with her. As her gay best friend, I was the safe choice. Who was I, somebody who didn’t rush but still wanted a social life, to say no?
What follows is an account of that night.
6:30 - I get dressed in my room. After fastening my bowtie, I inspect myself in my dorm room mirror. I look cute, I think to myself.
7:00 - I pick up my date from her room and we make our way towards Bobb. I am informed of the plan to pregame and then head to the buses.
7:10 - Like a child clinging to his mother’s leg, I walk into the pregame. Eight other girls are already there taking shots, but their dates are nowhere to be found. When I ask, I am told “The guys are gonna meet us at the buses.” I think to myself, Am I a woman?
7:50 - It’s time to head for the buses. My new sisters and I leave Bobb with cheap wine stuffed in our leather jackets and hope in our eyes. We are infinite.
8:00 - We meet up with the guys and load onto the buses. I feel my voice drop an octave.
8:02 - Emily waves hello to her “big.” A brief moment of jealousy passes over me.
8:45 - We pull up to the venue and file into a long line, shivering in our formalwear. Everybody is texting to see if the venue is hard on fakes. I follow the herd into the under-21 line.
8:46 - Where the fuck is Emily?!
8:49 - Emily returns from the bathroom. “There you are!” I say in the voice of a mother who just found her 2-year-old that had gone missing in a Macy’s for three hours.
9:10 - I catch the eye of a guy I matched with on Tinder across the dance floor. We share a fleeting moment of solidarity. We say nothing, but our silence communicates more than words ever could.
9:25 - The DJ starts to play late 2000s pop. Emily and I take over the dance floor. A moment of pure bliss. Maybe winter quarter isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be?
10:30 - Emily and I board the early bus. Everyone else is making out around us as we talk through our childhood trauma.
11:00 - I finally make it back to my room. Reflecting on how emotionally exhausting the night has been, I shed my persona. I am me again.
11:15 - I check my phone one last time before drifting off to sleep. I receive an email: “BREAK OUT YOUR NEON LEGWARMERS! YOU HAVE BEEN INVITED TO DELTA DECADES!”
Sarah’s boyfriend is out of town next week and she needs a date. Duty calls. I RSVP “going.”
