71 Things That Make PTI's Day

You know who she is: PTI is one of the most recognizable administrators on campus. But do you know what really makes her tick? Why she gets up in the morning? How she works up the energy to kick you off campus for sneezing in discussion section?

Sherman Ave does. Our recently concluded 8-month investigation into exactly what makes Dr. Patricia Telles-Irvin happy-- complete with interviews with friends and family, well-placed secret cameras, and a revealing conversation with an alligator-- has produced a never before seen look into just what it is that makes our vice president of student affairs’ day:

1. Hangnails

2. Unannounced midterms

3. Smoke detectors going off because someone burnt the popcorn

4. Iron deficiencies

5. The utilities bill

6. Candy Crush invites

7. Comcast

8. When the Frostbite Express has to run

9. Caesar

10. Not flushing

11. Spirit Airlines

12. Buffering

13. Guest-Northwestern

14. West Fairchild

15. Ohio State

16. Freaks and Geeks only having one season

17. 2% battery

18. Alarm clocks

19. Group projects

20. Black ice

21. Pitbull

22. Spotify ads

23. Carlos Danger

24. Sorority recruitment

25. Michael Bay

26. Working lunches

27. Chewing with your mouth open

28. .00005 proof Jell-O shots

29. Toby Flenderson

30. Listserv emails

31. Fossil fuels

32. Deuce karaoke

33. Harlem Shake videos

34. Jar Jar Binks

35. Jon and Kate Plus 8

36. Formal studies distribution requirements

37. A centralized Plex mailroom

38. The Jacksonville Jaguars

39. Gingivitis

40. Broken condoms

41. The Tennessee legislature

42. Derrick Rose’s hamstring

43. Parliament Enterprises

44. Patrice Wilson

45. TA’s who don’t speak English

46. Empty Srirachi bottles

47. Heritage brand vodka

48. The NSA

49. Three hour lectures

50. Lunt Hall

51. Construction everywhere

52. Richie Incognito

53. Saran wrap that sticks to itself

54. The Yellow Line

55. Ventra

56. John Wayne Gacy

57. Phlegm

58. Standing at the urinal next to someone when there’s a whole row open

59. Water fountains that project water less than a centimeter

60. Lax pinnies

61. Crossing Sheridan Road

62. ESPN’s coverage of Johnny Football

63. Noise complaints

64. Econometrics

65. Rush hour traffic

66. Classes that aren’t cancelled the Wednesday before Thanksgiving

67. Tom Marvolo Riddle

68. Getting a salad at Chipotle

69. Only having an iPhone 4 charger when you have the 5

70. Hitting reply all

71. Stubbing your toe