ASG Basks in Glory of Temporary Relevance

  Last night, the spotlight was on Northwestern University’s Associated Student Governments as they chose whether or not to support the NUDivest Resolution.

With four hundred people in attendance, ASG Member Shayne Meyer commented, “Wow, we sure are popular! I can’t wait to see all of these people back here over the next several months.” Meyer then proceeded to place an order for two thousand “RUSH ASG” bro tanks. Said Meyer, “ASG is hot, hot, hot right now, and I really think this may be the beginning of a new era for student government.”

ASG Member Samantha Bradford has already started planning her campaign for senator of Illinois. She said, “I mean it’s crazy. We’re basically real politicians now.”

ASG’s other projects this year have included “Cats Come to Dinner,” “The Unofficial Study Abroad Guide,” and publishing “The Campus Loop,” a quaint little newsletter dedicated to keeping students informed about wholesome on-campus events.