Family Dinner Debate Sparks Meaningful Action
A summers-worth of dinner table negotiations culminated today in what can only be described as a miraculous conversion. In a feat of supreme wit and mental dexterity, Lauren Connors, a Weinberg sophomore home for break, was finally able to convince her Pro-Reagan parents that Obama may not actually be a communist dictator as well as a cavernous, bushy pussy.
Using her knowledge of Obamacare and current foreign policy gathered from a mix of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and watching Fox News to oggle "those DILF types," Lauren was also able to convince her parents to worry constantly about global warming, which they had previously denied. We are unsure, however, if her assurance of a Hilary Clinton 2014 victory will be realized, as it's surprisingly hard to get elected president in a year without a presidential election.
When later asked if the years of making her mother cry and diverting dinner table talk away from her brother's soccer games was worth it and not in anyway hollow or self-serving, Lauren was adamant.
"Of course! Two votes in a swing state like New Jersey and the longer drive to Whole Foods will absolutely change the very fabric of this nation. And I'm beyond stoked to finally pass out pot brownies with them during my brother's recess."
Lauren then proceeded to detail how her political ferocity was also a huge hit on Tinder, which she described as another great place to attack "loved" ones on topics like religion and government.
No word from the parents, however, as their conversion has left them in a constant state of blissful nirvana, especially when they consider the fact that this masterful command of knowledge and political activism was instilled in their daughter through the liberal education they are paying for. As a test of the new converts' sincerity, however, we are able to report that Lauren's father no longer gets a hard-on at the mere mention of trickle-down economics.
