Freshman Guide: Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Step 1: Be in California because that’s where Kardushians are.

Step 2: Lace up your sneakers ril tight.

Step 3: Stretch for 8 hours. Legs, arms, neck, back, pussy and crack because the Kardashans are super limber and you gotta be thoroughly stretched to keep up.

Step 4: Read the whole bible. The Klardashons cite it frequently and you must be able to recite it to keep up.

Step 5: Take out your peeping glasses. Time to spot a Kurdusheen!

Step 6: Repeat steps 1 – 5 until you are READY. Only the truly READY can keep up with the Quordashuns.

Step 7: Run.  

Step 8: Keep running!! They are gaining on you!! They saw you trying to peep them and they peeped you! The tables are turned! Their sneakers are tighter! The Carsmashums will not be kept up with!

Step 9: Blackmail a high-speed train conductor. You need a ride now. They are gaining.

Step 10:  Water break on the train. You must be thoroughly hydrated to escape from a Karcharliesheen.

Step 11: Cry. You have been fooled. The Karfashions chasing you were holograms. The real Koorpashtuns are the train conductors you blackmailed! It was a trap!

Step 12: Bleed. Call your wife. The KarVacationCaboEdition!s have caught you. You COULD NOT keep up.