We conducted extensive interviews in an effort to assess the viability of each royal member of the Homecoming Court to lead Northwestern University as its Homecoming King or Queen. Brad Stewart is Northwestern's ASG Vice President, is a pretty rad dude, and has a swanky corner office up in the highest reaches of Nordor.
So, what are you studying at Northwestern?
Journalism and Political Science.
Where did you discover your passion for Journalism and Political Science?
When I was in high school I started writing a lot. I originally when I came to Northwestern I thought I was going to be a sports reporter, and I realized in High School that I wasn't going to be able to do that together, so I was looking for another way to be able to explore that. I got to Northwestern, did that for awhile, worked at the Chicago Tribune and hated it, and I decided that I didn't want to work in journalism for the rest of my life and I wanted to find a way to use journalism, so I'm looking to find a way to go into the communication side of politics.
Like CJ from the West Wing?
Yeah. Definitely.
So then why did you choose to come to Northwestern?
I actually live like ten minutes away from here, in Wilmette, and when I was looking at schools I told my Dad I wasn't going to school in Illinois, I wasn't going to go to school in any state that bordered Illinois, but I was looking at journalism schools. I looked all up and down the East Coast and all up and down the West Coast and I looked at Northwestern and I applied early.
So who's the most relevant person to come from Wilmette?
Um........ [long pause] That's a good question. There was a Playboy model a couple of years ago that came out of Wilmette... Let's see. The band Fall Out Boy came from Wilmette. There's... there's... there's a couple of people who have been high up in politics, but those are two of the more interesting ones.
So some would say that Sherman Ave was influential in getting you and Victor elected, but so far we've seen nothing from it. So what can we expect from our support?
Well, Victor and I are always happy to talk to you guys. I don't know if we have any exclusives for you right now, but maybe down the road, you guys come by and we'll have an exclusive for you.
Some would also say that ASG is a feeble exercise in bureaucracy. Respond.
I definitely see where that comes from, and I think in the past it definitely has been. A lot of the things Victor and I campaigned on was trying to get more direct student involvement. We just revamped the 5K initiative and the 10K initiative and that's really where ASG gets direct feedback from the projects we work on.
On the scale of 0 to 1, how would you rate your comprehension of the binary system?
0.
Okay. Karl Marx once said that "social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included." Discuss.
I have no idea what you just said.
I don't either. I don't think Karl Marx did. So how would you use your position as Homecoming King to further a two-state solution in Israel?
I don't think I would use it at all in that way. However, I might use it to expand other propaganda within Northwestern.
Would you rule the Homecoming Court like Roberts on the Supreme Court or LeBron James on the basketball court?
I like to think of myself as more of a LeBron James.
As a hybrid small forward/power forward?
Yeah. I played that position in high school, so I'll go with that.
Can you please define 'Northwestern hot?'
Temperature-wise, there are a few days throughout the year that are Northwestern hot. Attractive-wise, Northwestern has a very distinct look.
If one of Henry VIII's wives was to be your TA, which one would you most want it to be?
The third one.
The third one? Good answer. Can you talk about your favorite Taylor Swift song and what it represents about what you've learned about life, especially with regards to how you've overcome diversity?
Favorite Taylor Swift song... I don't think one of those exists. I couldn't even name you a Taylor Swift lyric, but I'm sure that they would be inspirational if I could.
So imagine that you've decided to start a business selling tampons. How do you make your product stand out and not seem like just another tampon?
I'm a big fan of personal door-to-door marketing, so I would probably go that route, and try and cater to each person I meet.
On a related note, if given the choice, would you prefer to be eaten by a shark in the Pacific or the Atlantic Ocean?
I think the Pacific Ocean. I would not prefer to be eaten by a shark, but if I had to choose, then the Pacific Ocean.
Okay, then what if you're getting married and your spouse wants to go on a honeymoon to a place that doesn't have electricity. The only catch is that this is during Shark Week. What do you do?
I mean, if I'm going on a honeymoon, then I'll be in the bedroom all the time, so it doesn't really matter.
I mean... Okay. In 15 words or less, can you please explain String Theory?
No.
Now we'd like to give you the set-up for a joke, and we'd like you to come up with a punch-line in 30 seconds. Here's one: Knock knock.
That's it? It's just "knock knock." Wait, how am I supposed to finish this?
We were trying to catch you. You outsmarted us. So another one: A priest, a rabbi, and Morty Schapiro walk into a bar.
What if Morty is both a priest and a rabbi in this joke?
He could be.
I think he probably is.
Last question. If each member of the Homecoming Court were one of the Pac-12 teams, which one would Yando be?
I couldn't even tell you Pac-12 teams. [This is probably why sports writing didn't work out]
Okay, then Big-10 teams.
Yando would be Minnesota.
That's a pretty offensive thing to say...
VOTE NOW for this year's Homecoming King and Queen!