Letter to the Editor: Keep Stealing From Nevin’s

What follows is directed at every single Northwestern student; even the nerds that don’t go out on Thursday nights. It is important to me that my words speak for everyone, even people I’ve never met, and most definitely my employer, the Mark II Lounge.

On Thursday night, you legends looted the shit out of Tommy Nevin’s Pub. You shotgunned a FourLoko in the parking lot, sauntered up to the front of the line, walked inside, and stole everything. From landscape paintings of the rolling Irish countryside to the Northwestern football schedule that they hand out for free at literally every game. Vintage beer signs. Full entire sets of table and chair. You stole it all.

And to this I say: Keep It Up.

In fact, fuck it. Steal all their spices so their food loses any flavor it may have accidentally had. Take the toilet. Just fucking take it. Pry open the floorboards, steal the electrical wiring and sell it for a profit. Kidnap the general manager and bring him to me.  

As the general manager of Mark II Lounge, I really don’t give a shit. We’re a gross hellhole, but at least we don’t pretend to be something we’re not. Networking? At an Irish Pub? Battle of the DJs? At a place that sells traditional Irish cuisine like Mozzarella Sticks for $14? At least we’re honest about what we are. That’s why at the end of the day, we’ll still be standing. Your fall is our rise.

By the way, Nevin’s is closing soon. Keep stealing, maybe it’ll close even faster. Then Uber to the Deuce. We’ll always be open. Take our shit too, if you want. Just remember to bring your latest fake from IDGod, or just pay the five-dollar cover.

Also, we could actually use some toilet paper, we ran out last week, so if you could snag some while you’re at it that’d be great.