Life Hack: 3 Easy Tricks to Help You Get People to Stop Going Diarrhea on Your Origami Paper Hats

It seems that nowadays, nobody can enjoy the simple pleasure of constructing and wearing an origami paper hat without having somebody else come up and diarrhea on it. The one joy and reprieve we previously had in today’s world was the construction of paper hats. The intricate folding patterns required, the patience and perseverance to create something out of nothing, how fun it was to wear the hats. This was all we had. However, now this has been stripped away by those that wish to soak our paper hats in their brown.

Every time I create a paper hat, spending hours ensuring each fold is as tight and perfect as it can be, as soon as I am done, my stepdad Chris (whom I dislike) will take my paper hat and diarrhea on it.

Whether it is during the initial folding stages, after the folding is finished, or when it rests on my head, it does not matter. Rest assured, Chris will find a way to diarrhea on my paper hats.

But don’t worry! Here’s 3 easy tricks I learned through my experiences with Chris to help ensure your origami paper hats will always stay dry.

1. When Constructing Paper Hats, Surround Yourself with Mirrors:

Do not underestimate those that desire to diarrhea on paper hats. They are often proficient at stealth and are able to sneak up on even the most alert paper hat creator. In fact, Chris will often wear cushioned socks to reduce the noise of his approach when he attempts to shit on my paper hats. To ensure your paper hat’s wellbeing, surround your paper hat folding area or station with a series of mirrors that are arranged in such a way that allows you to have a 360 degree view of the area surrounding you. This will greatly diminish the possible angles at which an attacker can approach your paper hat and diarrhea on it. Also, through my experiences with this technique, I’ve come to realize that Chris is deeply afraid of his own reflection and will scream and run away if he catches himself in a mirror. I don’t know if he thinks it’s like a different person or if it’s the reflection itself he’s scared of. I don’t know. Just food for thought.

2. Cover the Area Directly Above Your Paper Hat:

Although the arrangement of mirrors around your folding station will help greatly, it does not completely eliminate all risk. An attacker can approach and diarrhea on your paper hat from above. One of Chris’ favorite techniques to ruin my hats is to cut a hole in the ceiling above my folding station, stick his butt through, and let it rip from 8 feet up. To prevent this from happening, place a tarp or wood covering above the table on which you make your paper hat. It does not need to be large. It just needs to be big enough to shield your paper hat. You may also invest in a large enough covering to protect your paper hat and yourself from diarrhea, however, the paper hat should always be the priority.

3. Invest in a High-Security Safe Reserved Only for Origami Paper Hats:

Once the hat is finished, that does not mean it is protected from getting soaked in diarrhea. Those that wish to diarrhea on paper hats (Chris) are patient, and will wait, if need be, until you leave your paper hat unattended to brown on it. This must be avoided at all costs. There is no worse feeling than thwarting the attempts of one of these “diarrhea dogs”, only to have them brown all over your creation once you’ve gone to sleep. To ensure your paper hat will always be clean and dry, purchase a secure safe that is reserved only for your origami paper hat creations. (Full disclosure: In my case, this technique did not work as I am living under Chris’ roof. I did purchase a safe but because it was with my allowance money, I was forced to provide Chris with the code. This meant that all my creations were just sitting in one easy to access space for him to diarrhea on in one go. If you are forced to provide the code to the safe to the “brown boy” that’s bullying you, DO NOT PUT THE HATS IN THE SAFE!)

And that’s it! Follow these easy guidelines and your origami paper hats will be as pristine and unsoiled as ever!

Good Luck and Happy Folding!