Northwestern Hookup Culture Sucks Especially When You’re Not a Part of It

Ugh, Northwestern hookup culture, am I right? For many, romantic life on campus consists of primal dance floor makeouts leading to nights spent with various emotionally-stunted lovers. For others, romantic life consists of absolutely none of that. No one night stands, no dates, not even a kiss on the fucking cheek.

Sure, hooking up with someone and not getting a text the next morning sucks. But you know what else sucks? Being 3 four-lokos deep at a darty and realizing all your friends are smashing their bodies against members of Pike who all kinda look the same. While Stacy and Travis are trying to suck the commitment-fearing demon out of these guys throats, you find yourself alone again at Cozy noodle with a plate of pad thai and a hangover at 5pm.

Next time you complain about getting kicked out of his room after you mentioned grabbing breakfast together, count your goddamn blessings. Having to make up my own hookup stories to relate to that is pretty humiliating, too.

Northwestern’s dating scene is TOXIC. But can we please stop talking about it so I can stop having FOMO. Someone please just booty call me.You can find my number in every bathroom on campus.