EVANSTON, Ill. - Explaining that nothing was more important than the future of Northwestern University and its students, university president Morton Schapiro announced plans to break ground on Northwestern’s newest massive inconvenience by Fall of 2015.
“We could not be more excited about getting started on this project,” President Schapiro insisted of the enormous eye-sore of a construction site, which will begin to frustrate students as soon as the current gigantic annoyance is underway.
“There are few things more important than making sure the student body has a good pain in the ass so fucking bothersome that it will annoy everyone until the second it’s completed." Added Schapiro, "We’re sparing no expense to make sure that this infuriating mess that we could all just do without is the best that it can be.”
When reached for comment, Northwestern alum Michael Ballon (WCAS, '96) said he was “really looking forward to seeing” the finished frustrating mess on “a brochure or two” some time over the new twenty years.
Despite campus-wide protests sponsored by the local Mermaid Defense League chapter that Northwestern's latest vexating construction pit violates the terms of the University's 1887 treaty with Gillgamorsh, King of the Merpeople, Northwestern has already transferred over five construction cranes and 18,000 pounds of rubble to the site, which it intends to keep on location until the University completes its work on a new location for students to disdain for its lack of campus-wide unity.
