NU Sex Week Cartoon Condom Voted ASG President in Massive Write-In Campaign
As it turns out, white boards in Norris, chalked sidewalks, and signage all over campus aren’t enough to win the Northwestern student body vote anymore. In a surprising turn of events, neither major slate won the ASG presidency. Instead, the position will be held by an adorable caricature of a condom, the same one used to advertise NU Sex Week.
The condom is the first of its kind to be elected into an ASG office, let alone the widely coveted presidential position. There has been overwhelming support from students since the election was held, as they are proud of Northwestern and excited to see what the hastily-drawn contraceptive can do for them.
“I’m so glad our write-in campaign worked,” stated SESP junior Alicia Trinnes. “We were looking for some real change here, and we think electing a humanoid condom will really shake things up.” Trinnes cites the condom’s flexibility as an important quality for someone in a position of power.
Other students have also supported the latex campus celebrity. School of Communications sophomore Wesley Young wanted more from his representative. “I think the condom will protect the interests of the student body, at least 99% of the time. Plus, it’s ribbed for her pleasure.”
All in all, ASG is excited to start a new year of irrelevance on campus, and looking forward to seeing how the rubber will make it look like it is actually doing something.
If you're the type of person who exclusively uses anthropomorphic sex toys, APPLY TO WRITE FOR SHERMAN AVE! Seriously, we need validation that other people have this fetish too.
