Obama Isn’t Taking My Gun Away Until He Promises That My 1100 Watt Ninja® Professional Blender is Mine to Keep

Obama’s views on gun control may seem well intentioned to the uninformed observer. He looks so innocent wanting to get guns off the street and combat the recent surge in gun-related homicides and mass shootings. I currently possess a semi-automatic assault rifle, and I am ready to admit that I could probably stand to downsize, but this is not about whether or not I need to be able to fire off 45 rounds per minute. This is about the slippery slope that will inevitably lead to Barack Hussein Obama taking away my 1100 Watt Ninja® Professional Blender.

I am a responsible person. My 1100 Watt Professional Ninja® Blender is not going to hurt anyone. Yes, its Total Crushing® technology is capable of blasting ice, fruits and vegetables into smoothies in just seconds, but that is exactly why I keep it in a safe on top of my refrigerator. However, I have a feeling that when Fuhrer Obama inevitably sends the National Guard to bash down my door and take my 1100 Watt Ninja® Professional Blender, he isn’t going to give a rat’s hat about my responsible safety practices.

I want to support common sense gun control, I do, but I am not so naïve as to assume that this as anything short of the first step in a long term scheme to take away my 1100 Watt Ninja® Professional Blender. Sure, today it’s an assault weapons ban, then next it’s mandatory background checks, then it’s the closing of the gun show loophole, all so that I will be weak and defenseless when he tries to take away my 1100 Watt Ninja® Professional Blender. Does it not seem odd that the president has opted not to cap his own authority? If he passes an assault weapons ban, there is literally no way we can know what is coming next. Although, on some level, I think we all know exactly what would come next, and I will not sit idly by and watch Obama take away our weapons until I have it in writing that my 1100 Watt Ninja® Blender is mine to keep.

Let me tell you this Mr. Commander in Chief. You will not get my 1100 Watt Ninja Professional Blender until you pry it from my cold, bullet-riddled body.