Pedophilia, Bestiality Advocates Wondering When Slippery Slope from Gay Marriage Getting Started

WASHINGTON, DC – Expressing extreme disappointment in the federal government, advocates of both pedophilia and bestiality told reporters Monday that they are still waiting for the slippery slope from the legalization of gay marriage to get going.  Following the landmark Supreme Court decision Obergefell v. Hodges, which gave same-sex couples the right to be married, groups supporting similar laws for pedophiles and zoophiles became very optimistic for their causes due to the promise of a domino effect by many political pundits, but have not yet seen meaningful progress.

“I honestly believed this time that America was ready for some real open-minded change,” one member of the American Bestiality Society told reporters. “But it’s been 5 months and we’ve seen no signs of the so-called ‘inevitable’ cascade toward equal rights for me and my peers.”

Noted pedophilia advocacy group NAMBLA has been particularly vocal regarding the false promise of a chain reaction from legalizing same-sex marriage.  A spokesperson from the organization was quoted about the issue, saying that it “severely weakens NAMBLA’s trust in both the honesty of the mainstream media and the American political system.”  The representative later added that, while he knows this kind of change does not happen overnight, their organization expected at least a few social media campaigns that would bring these issues to the public eye.

At press time, a group of pro-pedophilia and pro-bestiality protesters had gathered outside the nation’s capitol building, shouting chants of “Unlock our cage, love knows no age!” and “Love fins!”