Senior Personally Identifies with Worn, Disheveled Sidewalk Flyer

Stopping to sit by an advertisement for GlobeMed’s Ugly Sweater Sale on Sheridan Road, fourth-year student Pamela Nyuchen reportedly felt a strong, personal connection with the worn-out, disheveled flyer taped to the sidewalk.

The tarnished, trampled piece of paper was barely clinging to its foundation, though sources confirmed it was secure and brimming with color when initially placed in the Evanston area. By the time Nyuchen discovered the decrepit promotional material, the Ugly Sweater Sale had been over, no longer relevant and generally forgotten by the student body.

“Look at all that wear and tear. Geez, it’s obviously been through a lot,” said Nyuchen, who had been rejected from a record 12 student organizations in her first year alone. “You can tell people just keep walking over it like it’s nothing. But it’s really a great flyer and definitely deserves some recognition for the effort put in, maybe even a hug.”

Sources close to Nyuchen confirmed that the senior, much like the frayed and fragmented piece of printer paper, had been coming undone as a result of the environment she was placed in, having never been stepped on by so many people.

“I bet it looked way different when it was first taped to the floor,” said Nyuchen, who failed out of pre-med her sophomore year, before switching to McCormick, then Medill, before finally settling on a major from SESP, having discovered that Learning and Organizational Change is her “passion.”

“It just didn’t stand a chance against the elements and obstacles that came its way,” added Nyuchen, who was rejected from DM not just as a committee member, but also as a general dancer.

At press time, ASG members announced a ban on sidewalk flyers in an effort to limit paper waste and cut down on student existential crises.