Toothpaste Stain Reveals That You’re a Clumsy Idiot

Earlier this morning, a toothpaste stain on your shirt confirmed suspicions that you are a dumbass who doesn’t know how to spit correctly. The stain, a white crusty residue that announced your lack of hand-eye coordination to anyone who saw it, was located right in the middle of your shirt, its placement so prominent that onlookers were stunned that you didn’t notice it and change before you went out in public. It did not appear that you even attempted to remove the stain, which would have taken like five minutes, tops. Those who saw the stain described it as sloppy, gross and even “downright embarrassing.”

Weinberg junior Tiffany Bloom was particularly aghast. “I just don’t understand how it could have happened,” said Bloom. “Like what are you, a toddler?” Sources close to you have speculated that this stain is only the tip of the iceberg of your incompetence. They also cited the time you “walked around with your fly unzipped for two hours without noticing” and the lecture you “interrupted when you tripped on the way to the bathroom and dropped your phone.” Although you could not be reached for comment, everyone remains curious about what the fuck you have to say for yourself.