25 Alternate Ways to Describe Your Fuck Buddy to Your Parents

1. He’s a friend.
2. He’s a good friend.
3. He’s a very good friend.
4. This kid I know.
5. Brian? You know Brian.
6. My boyfriend? Hahaha. That’s so funny.
7. Gross! He’s like my brother.
8. He’s my business associate.
9. We dated for a bit but it didn’t work out. But we’re still very close!
10. Hmm? What? I didn’t quite catch that.
11. He’s my writing partner. We’re working on a sci-fi horror thriller called “Singularity.”
12. We just broke up, actually.
13. He’s my Spanish 204 tutor.
14. Mom, I told you he’s not my boyfriend. So just drop it.
15. You know that Facebook status “It’s complicated?” Well, it’s complicated.
16. He’s actually seeing Emily I think. No, yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re back together.
17. We slept together once. But we both agreed it was a huge mistake.
18. If he was my boyfriend, I’d tell you.
19. We don’t like labels.
20. We’re being casual about it.
21. I’m just waiting until somebody better comes along.
22. We’re just living together because the rent is cheaper.
23. We’re getting married for tax purposes. It’s a Millennial thing!
24. We’re having kids so we have somebody to pass down our business to. Trust me, it’s not  a big deal.
25. Yeah, we’re getting cemetery plots next to each other. But they’re not next next to each other, you know? Ugh, you guys are so old-fashioned.