5 Ways to Avoid Talking about the Election this Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving can be a tense time for the family, especially with all the different opinions flowing in from some of the less savory members of the family. That being said, everyone wants to enjoy their time gorging themselves with an ugly bird and not talking about what is happening in the white house. So, in the spirit of trying too hard to get along in the midst of the 2016 presidential race, here are 5 ways to avoid talking about the election this thanksgiving.

1.Slaughter your own Turkey

            Nothing brings out the Holiday Spirit more than bringing the whole family to the local farm, picking out the most beautiful bird, and then chopping off its head with a butcher knife. Every family member will be so enthralled with being covered with the blood of a turkey that they will forget all about the biggest thing dividing this country currently. Plus, the kids will have a blast playing with the new ball you made out of the turkey’s gall bladder.

2.Invite Famed Actor Willem DaFoe

            Remember when famed actor Willem DaFoe played the angry green goblin in Spider Man and brought out his angry face? Oh man, no one wants that again! If you invite Willem DaFoe, everyone will be so worried with upsetting him and bringing out his angry face, that they will definitely avoid bringing up something as upsetting and controversial as this year’s election.

3.Declare the Seven Year Oath of Silence

            Every family has it somewhere in their by-laws. Some refer to it as the Mute Seven, others the Seven Silent Steps. Whatever you call it, enacting the seven year oath of silence is a sure way to get them to stop talking about this election. Doing this not only stops your family talking about it for seven Thanksgivings, it also forces everyone to work on their family fun time charade skills. Killing two birds with one stone!

4.Talk about something more controversial

            There’s no better way to avoid talking about the election than by bringing up something way more controversial than the election this Thanksgiving. Try talking about abortion or Black Lives Matter! Maybe Uncle Frank will pull out the old All Lives Matter speech and get into another screaming match with Cousin Deborah about gay marriage. At least they won’t be talking about who is going to be in the white house for the next four years.

5.Kill Everyone in your Family

            The easiest and best way to get your family not to talk about the election and have a relaxing break from the stress of day to day life is to kill them all. There is no way it will be mentioned if there is no one around to talk about it. Well, no one alive at least.