99 Things You Could Do Instead of Laundry
1. Eat cheese.
2. Pluck your eyebrows.
3. Get a pet rock.
4. Boil some spaghetti and use it as pet rock hair.
5. Put your spaghetti-wigged pet rock on someone's porch. Ring the bell and run away.
6. Wait until it's dark out. Turn on the lights, roll up your shades, and perform for the passersby outside your window.
7. Go to a restaurant by yourself.
8. GET OFF MY LAWN.
9. Clean all of the dirt out from the spaces between the keys on your laptop.
10. Eat cheese.
11. Have a lemonade stand.
12. Visit all the sample stations at Whole Foods as many times as you can before someone kicks you out.
13. Avoid the letter “p”.
14. Enter a social setting and use the word “particular” 17 times in 10 minutes.
15. Redesign your room to be a mirror image of itself.
16. Vacuum.
17. Write a script. Mail it to the Olsen twins.
18. Put lotion on the heels of your feet. They’re getting dry.
19. Clean your bathtub.
20. Dress up, put on a party hat, and go to a dive bar alone. Make up stories.
21. Do your best impression of a potato.
22. Be famous.
23. Utilize the Snapchat drawing tool and make ART.
24. Update your resume.
25. Eat cheese.
26. Pretend to be sick and see if anyone cares.
27. Go on Facebook. Search people with your first and last name. Friend request them all.
28. Rock ‘n’ Roll!
29. Shrug your shoulders.
30. Organize your closet by color.
31. Unsubscribe from email spammers.
32. Buy enough new socks so you have at least seven matching pairs with zero holes.
33. Somersault around the block.
34. Google “40 Days of Dating.”
35. Dye a stranger’s hair.
36. Eat cheese.
37. Hold a sword in your dominant hand and approach a fence. Fence the fence.
38. Listen to your heart.
39. Smash the next violin you see.
40. Make two Twitter accounts and start a Twitter feud.
41. Say “Cheese!”
42. Play Draw Something against randos and pick fights with strangers.
43. Become an ordained minister online.
44. Enter the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest.
45. Memorize all the words to a popular song.
46. Memorize digits of Pi.
47. Memorize the Catholic Mass.
48. Eat a sticker.
49. Listen to the podcast RISK!
50. Pit the nerds against the jocks.
51. Play charades with children. (They are better at it than the rest of us.)
52. Make a stop motion film.
53. Look up magic tricks and become the life of the party.
54. Eat raw fish.
55. Stand in line at Starbucks and order a plate full of salt.
56. Go for a walk by yourself. Sing the entire time.
57. Learn to unicycle.
58. Count the moles on your body.
59. Learn German.
60. Learn how to Mongolian Throat Sing.
61. Melt cheese onto tortilla chips. Then eat the cheese.
62. Spin in a circle.
63. Loiter.
64. Exhale.
65. Practice working with invisible objects.
66. Digest your most recent meal.
67. Write love letters to yourself, sign them with someone else’s name, then erase your memory and read the letters so you think someone loves you.
68. Google “Wayback Machine” and click the first link.
69. Do a coin toss.
70. Do a little dance.
71. Make a little love.
72. Get down tonight.
74. Design a font.
75. Cheese.
76. Become the leader of an electronic gang.
77. Invent a language.
78. Make your own episode of Drunk History.
79. Pretend to be a rock.
80. Sleep outside.
81. Travel back in time and prevent the invention of froyo.
82. Raise a pet ant.
83. Scoot over.
84. Eat cheese.
85. Stop! In the name of love.
86. Make puns about cheese so you can come up with more creative ways to express your love for cheese.
87. Tickle yourself.
88. Try to cry on command.
89. Surf the web.
90. Make a diorama.
91. Peace out.
92. Practice your school's fight song.
93. Honor thy mother and thy father.
94. Walk the walk.
95. Massage your temples.
96. Practice breathing.
97. Brush up on your World War I history.
98. Tell everyone you know you’d like to be called “McGumption” from now on.
99. Avoid cheese entirely.
