A Love Letter From a New York Intern - A "Hey There, Delilah" Send-Up

 

Hey there Delilah

Things are great in New York City

I can say I worked at Goldman Sachs

To make my friends feel shitty

Yes I can.

I met this girl named Marianne, awesome guy named Dan

Yep he’s a man.

Hey there Delilah

Don’t you worry about my rashes

I bought creams and ointments at the store

But now I get hot flashes

Fuck my life

The heat it cuts me like a knife

What rhymes with knife…

Oh, but you want to be me

Oh, but you want to be me

Oh, but you want to be me

Oh, but you want to be me

You want to be me

Hey there Delilah

I know times are getting hard

But just believe me, girl

Someday I’ll pay the bills with this guitar

Hahahahaha

I’m sorry, I’m sorry next verse

Hey there Delilah

I’ve got so much left to say

Good thing you text me every second

Every hour every day

It’s really fun.

When people text they just send one.

Yes ONLY ONE.

Oh, I slept with my lessee it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, it’s what you do to me

What you do to me

Love,

Clifford Scarlet

P.S. If, by chance you fall in love with someone else when I’m gone, good for you! It’s seriously okay. No hard feelings—go for it!