Romney: “We need to crack down (say crack again) on cheating China and become energy independent can I have a cookie now”
Obama: “Education is important. The children are our future. I believe in America. 4 more years!”
Lehrer: [looks dead]
Romney: “I’m crushing the middle class I mean you crushed the middle class I mean I have a crush on Mandy Moore wait but I definitely like coal that I know. That’s all I’ve gotten for Christmas the past 10 years I must love it!”
Obama: “Here’s why I’m right and you’re wrong”
Romney: “My children are liars I don’t trust them just like how I don’t trust black peopl- oh. Barack. Well. This is...”
Obama: “I know Donald Trump doesn’t think he has a small anything” (took us 20 minutes to get to the first dick joke. Notbad.jpg)
Lehrer: “Ok, I-”
Romney: “DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK YET?!”
Lehrer: [heart attack]
Romney: “Now in regards to the federal deficit, I will slash funding everywhere like how I slashed your heart, Jim. PBS? SLASHED. Big Bird? Nice dude, but SLASHED. Prices on couches from Big Bob’s Warehouse? SLASHED wait”
Obama: “This is all the republicans’ fault. We had two wars that were paid for on a credit card but before the civil rights movement black people like myself couldn’t even get a credit card look how far we’ve come OBAMA 2012 HOPE CHANGE AND LUV.”
Lehrer: “Should we talk about medicare because I’m old as shit and will probably die any minute so-”
Romney: “STOP TALKING JIM MITT WANT SPEAK. I don’t want to slash funding for medicare oddly enough, so young people, you will be getting your social security cards in the mail next week along with a year’s supply of Just For Men (offer does not apply to women or their slutty vaginas).”
Obama: “Can I just talk about my dead Grandma for a second here? Not trying to make you cry and have the feels and then vote for me but hey if that works then 4 MORE YEARS can I go home and have sexy times with my wife yet?”
Lehrer: “I think there’s a very clear difference between you two and now everyone know’s I’m racist oh well YOLO” [dies]
Obama: “Insurance companies can jerk us around” (I can’t believe it took us nearly an hour to get to the first masturbation joke! Disappointed in you guys)
Replacement ref moderator: How do u feel about skoolz?
Romney: “I like the way we did it in Massachusetts, where I’m from. We have great schools where I am from. Thus, I am great. How am I not president yet? Oh, also, remember Tip O’Neill? Also from Massachusetts. Game. Set. Match, motherfucker.”
Obama: “I think Mr. Romney’s gonna have a busy first day, fixing our schools, repealing Obamacare, banishing the gays. Good luck buddy okay can I go home now my smile hurts”
Who won? That’s up to you to decide America. Personally, I’m voting Gosling/Gordon-Levitt in 2012.
*Fact checked by the same people who brought you the Magic School Bus, so you know it’s legit