All Of My Wildest Dreams Are Coming True. Please Help Me.

Wednesday night, Kris Bryant threw the final out to Anthony Rizzo in the bottom of the tenth, breaking a 108-year drought and bringing the Chicago Cubs a World Series victory.

When I watched that play, I jumped up in my chair, screaming and threatening to burn down the city along with my cool friends. This was everything we had ever dreamed of, something that we thought could only happen in dreams. Little did I know that this was only the start of something bigger.

It was the start of all my wildest dreams coming true. And it is fucking terrifying.

After the game ended, I wandered around the streets of Evanston, wondering what I could possibly do now. Like many in the city last night, I wondered what there was left for me now that the Cubs had won the World Series. And that’s when my hot cousin showed up.

I was startled to see Emily, mostly because she lives in Nebraska but also because she was completely stark naked. But it wasn’t until she started projectile vomiting baby snakes that I realized this was exactly like a dream I had when I was nine. Of course, there was only one moon in the sky, and it was normally colored, but everything else was basically the same: Cubs winning the series, hot cousin, the whole thing.

So that was the first thing that really registered as weird. But shit got even weirder from there.

After extricating myself from Emily and finally getting home, I checked on my sleeping infant child. He was fast asleep in his crib in my room in Bobb, just like always, but something was off. I leaned in for a closer look, and that’s when I realized that my baby looked exactly like my Econ professor.

And then I thought, Hey, something weird is going on here. I’m fairly certain my baby is not my Econ professor. Wait. Do I even have a baby?

Upon texting one of my cool friends, I found out that I do not, in fact, have a baby, and I was yet again stuck in a dream. I was getting pretty weirded out by this point, so I put the Econ baby back to bed and fell asleep.

But the dreams haven’t gone away. Today I looked down in the middle of lecture and realized my pants were completely gone. And, guys...I’ve just realized I’m flying and that shouldn’t be physically possible and I don’t know how to get down.

Oh God.

Please help.

Go Cubs Go.