An Ode to the Freshman Who Took a Shit on the Bobb Lobby Floor

Thy fairest Bobb

With hallways that smell of vomit and the dick

And cologne and one boy who hath not showered in three days but you hath seen go to ultimate practice for the last three days anyway

Thou always offerest the most fair of surprises

Like this past twilight

When one of your many heavenly soldiers spread their crescent moons

And left the world an aromatic present

A giant piece of shit in thy Bobb lobby.

Why dost thou think me lucky enough?

To get a screenshot from a freshman reading,

“Ayo. Someone just took a dump in the Bobb lobby.”

Verily! The fortune! Jubilation!

I saw thy shit, lying on the floor

A simple turd,

6 out of 10 at the most,

But surrounded by glory.

Freshman!

I ponder: was thou drunk?

Did thy Cheesie's or Elder give thee the runs?

Thou maketh the runs look like the sprints.

Did the gods smile upon thy sphincter, and whisper

“Go, my child, and gift the cosmos a reason

to Remember the Titans (2000)”

How we chuckled

And the Yiks yakked with joy

Dirty Bobb and it’s glory

You, legend,

Will reside in the hall of fame

Next to the Fuck Saw and #Cookiepocalypse

And that one guy who jerked off in the SPAC shower.

Go on, friends,

For this is a tale to celebrate and learn from.

Blessed are those who live in Bobb,

But more blessed are those

Who shit (on) it.