BREAKING - There's a Massive Google Doc Phising Attack I Wasn't Invited To

Northwestern students have been urged to take caution with their emails, as yesterday university accounts were inundated with false google doc invitation emails as a part of an elaborate phishing virus. But I wouldn’t know because I never got my invitation to the virus.

When opened, the virus asks for third party authentication that steals the user’s password and sends the virus to its address book. At least, that’s what my friends said. I get that whoever sent it probably thought I wouldn’t want it, but I would’ve liked the chance to decline on my own, you know?

This virus is especially pernicious during midterm season when many Northwestern students are collaborating on google docs to study for exams. Some students reported getting up to 20 emails with fake invites and took to social media to warn their friends against opening emails. And also apparently to show off the cool awesome new virus they got and make me jealous.

Removing the virus simply involves deleting an extension from the user’s web browser. Maybe they misspelled my name? It’s Probability with two i’s, that trips people up sometimes. Or maybe they thought it was @northwestern.edu instead of @u.northwestern.edu. Whatever, I didn’t even want to get the virus, anyway.

Did mine get lost in the mail or something? Because I think I’m pretty well-liked around campus. I’m on a lot of listservs too, so you think I’d get at least one. Or maybe everyone just assumed I was invited so nobody felt like they had to.  Whatever, this virus is probably lame or whatever. I mean, I have tons of viruses, it’s like so easy to get one, what makes this one so fucking special.

So I hope you all enjoy getting hacked, because I’m busy anyway. I’m going phishing with my parents and we’re making a cool new super virus you’ve probably never heard of anyway. But if it turns out someone has an extra google doc invite, totally let me know because I can probably move my schedule around.