Can You Be 100% Sure That You Don't Have Lice Right Now?
Ah, college. What a fantastic gathering of bright young minds eager to absorb knowledge and exchange ideas on the grassy quad, and really it would only take one person bringing head lice to school to cause an outbreak.
How privileged are you to be surrounded by thousands of the most talented and highest achieving students in the nation, students who will go on to change the world, and out of over 8,000 18-22 year olds, isn’t it statistically very probably that someone’s head is just absolutely infested with louses?
College is, of course, about more than textbooks, midterms, and what takes place inside the classroom. College provides the opportunity for introspection and self-discovery, and now that you mention it, your head has been feeling kind of itchy lately. Almost like there are thousands of tiny parasites crawling around your scalp, feasting on your blood, laying eggs in your hair.
Since you’ve started college, you’ve certainly been exposed to a diverse student body and interacted with people from a whole mix of backgrounds that you never would have met otherwise. There’s Ben from Indianapolis, whose little sister’s 5th grade classroom had a lice outbreak the week before he left for school; Janet from Baltimore, who worked at a preschool all summer and had a habit of patting her students on the head before running her hand through her own hair; And how could you forget Lewis from Portland, who buys all his signature beanies from thrift shops and never washes before wearing? And they’re all here, sharing your beds, trying on your clothes, brushing against you at parties, coming in head-to-head contact with you and all your friends.
Your time at this elite, time-honored institution is short. Four years may seem like a long time, but the next thing you know, you’ll be scratching your head, wondering where it all went. Scratching and scratching and scratching.
