Sherman Ave Interviews Homecoming Court: Ben Terdich

Last month, Sherman Ave sat down with all twelve members of this year’s Northwestern Homecoming Court, and had conversations about love, life, and bad decisions made at Cheesie’s.  All this week, we will be publishing these interviews in anticipation of voting for Homecoming King and Queen opening on the 11th of October.

In this installment, Sherman Ave writers Walter Klondike^TM, Cocaine Silver, and Reverend Doctor Dee Dee Turlington, Esquire, Attorney at Law sat down with Ben Terdich, to discuss being a concert penis, having sex with Jessie from Toy Story, and the cultural significance of "All About That Bass."

Cocaine Silver: So hello, Ben, it’s great to have you here.  We just have a few standard questions--where are you from, what’s your major?

Ben: I’m from Crystal Lake, Illinois, not too far away.  My major is the Integrated Science Program, biology, and materials science.  And I’m studying IMC; we’ll see if that pans out.

Cocaine Silver: Tell us a little bit more about your shelf.

Ben: My shelf or myself?

Cocaine Silver: Your shelf.

Ben: I was going to get a shelf at Target, and they didn’t have any anywhere near my price range.

Cocaine Silver: I’m really sorry to hear that.

Walter Klondike^TM: So, what’s left on your Northwestern bucket list?

Ben: Hmm, what’s left on my Northwestern bucket list?  I didn’t know that this [interview] was on it, but this is definitely up there.

Walter Klondike^TM: Awesome.

Ben: It’s a much more terrifying experience than I thought it was.  You know, I’ve still never painted a rock out by the lakefill.

Cocaine Silver: Mmm, that’s big one.

Ben: Yeah, but, you know that’s the kind of thing that I think will roll around spring quarter.  We’ll get a group together, somebody will do it.  Umm...how just like a really satisfying victory, like a sports victory.  I’d like to to see one of those.  Like, imagine how satisfying it would have been if we had beat Ohio State last year.  I also hate the Cornhuskers, for what they did to us Family Weekend of like our freshman or sophomore year.  So if we beat them at homecoming that’d be the...yeah.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: What they did to us last year wasn’t good either, with the whole 49 yard hail Mary.

Ben: Oh god, yep.

Walter Klondike^TM: So, why do you think you should be Homecoming Queen?

Ben: Homecoming Queen, umm...well obviously I think I’m very pretty.  I’m very poised.  I have an excellent curtsy.  I’ve always wanted to wear a pretty crown, with jewels on it.

Walter Klondike^TM: Do they get a crown?

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: I mean, there’s a Burger King across the street.  I can get you one of those crowns.

Cocaine Silver: We can fashion you one.  So, as a member of the Wildcat Welcome board of directors you’ve gotten to know each new class pretty well.  So, if you had to guess, which class has the hottest grandparents?

Ben: Hottest grandparents...you know, I’m gonna have to extrapolate a lot.  But based on who I’ve met from the class of 2018 and transfers this year, they seem pretty top notch.  When you look good you feel good.  And when you feel good you raise great parents.  And they raise great grandparents.  So I gotta say class of 2018 and transfers.

Walter Klondike^TM: So, we did a bunch of background research on you to be prepared for this interview.  So I was reading a brief summary of your research into drug-loaded hydrogels, and I was wondering if you could explain for our readers the process of their remote radio frequency induction for the release of the chemotherapy drugs.

Ben: Ok.  So, basically, people already use hydrogels to deliver drugs.  Basically, you squirt it into somebody and it solidifies, and then kind of like a sponge, it slowly leaches out drug, and you know, does let the drugs do what they’re doing.  What we wanted to do was have a way for it to not leach out so slowly, but have it leach out just all at once in a really targeted way.  So, we found a hydrogel, err, we developed a hydrogel that releases everything at once if you get it above a certain temperature, but you needed some way to put it above that temperature.  So, basically, we encapsulated these superparamagnetic nanoparticles inside the bundle.  Superparamagnetic is basically a big word that means if you put it in an MRI it gets hot.  So, that allows us to put it in a machine like an MRI; it gets hot and releases the drug when and where you want it to go.

Walter Klondike^TM: And, as a follow up, where is your favorite place to poop on campus?

Ben: Umm...that is a great question.  There are so many good places though.  See I feel that you become a true science student at Northwestern when you have your favorite bathroom in Tech.  My favorite bathroom--it’s not the popular choice--but, M wing, north side, basement.  I don’t know why, I’ve always just felt so comfortable there.

Walter Klondike^TM: Third floor is the most popular choice among most people.

Ben: I know, and second floor physics wing; you’ve got some seriously nice bathrooms up there.  But I’ve just felt a connection to that bathroom.  I’ve been through some times there, having great poops.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: There are some underrated Tech bathrooms.  We rated the entire building like pretty low, but there are so many bathrooms in there.

Cocaine Silver: Everyone has their preference too.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: Yeah, sometimes I like feeling like I’m shitting in 1975 Soviet Russia.

Ben: [Laughs] Well look no further than [Tech].

Cocaine Silver: So, why cancer research? Don’t you think there are more pressing issues, like global warming, or ISIS, or Kanye West only winning one Teen Choice Award?

Ben: He only won one Teen Choice Award? That’s surprising.  See, even though that is a more central issue to their identity, I find that my skills are best put towards something that some might find less important, like cancer research.

[Long Pause]

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: So, being a triple major with a 3.9 GPA who’s very heavily involved in research, on the executive board of your fraternity, and a talented musician, when do you find time to hide all the skeletons in your closet from your dark past?

Ben: Turns out, being a fraternity brother gives you access to a lot of closets that never get opened, and they have keys that really only I can use.  So really, being this involved has just enabled me to bury more skeletons.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: Maybe I should get more involved.

Ben: The more you give, the more you get.

Walter Klondike™: I’ve got so many skeletons and nowhere to put them.

Cocaine Silver: Yeah, they’re hard to move if you have too many.

Walter Klondike™: Come Halloween, you can just make a joke out of it. People would think it’s hilarious, disposing of a body. So, according to your resume, you performed as a concert pianist [pronounced as “penis”] at the Crystal Lake Country Club. What was your favorite part about being a penis?

Ben: [Laughs] The long hours.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: Ahhhhh, punny.

Walter Klondike™: At the end of performances, would you erect yourself to bow?

Ben: It was a more casual atmosphere, so I didn’t bother. I just stood erect.

Walter Klondike™: Was the job hard on you? Did you have to be cocksure?

Ben: [Laughs] No, actually it was pretty easy. It was pretty easygoing.

Walter Klondike™: 300-plus crowd must have been nuts.

[All laugh]

Walter Klondike™: Alright, that’s all I have.

Cocaine Silver: So, would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses, or the ghost of Saddam Hussein?

Ben: [Laughs] Oh, god...the ghost of Saddam Hussein. Duck-sized horses? They’d just be way too cute. Why would I want to hurt them?

Walter Klondike™: Alright, so, what, if you had to guess, what would be Willie the Wildcat’s secret superpower?

Ben: Purple pride.

Walter Klondike™: What does purple pride entail?

Ben: Coming after Wildcat Welcome, it’s going to be very hard not to make something just, like, heartwarming, which is not the tone of this. Umm...you know, I’m going to go ahead and say that Willie is, like, working on a superpower that he’s going to perfect this year that will enable our sports teams to win every game. Rumor has it that he’ll be unveiling it at the next football game.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: So, being the president of Lambda Chi, Mr. President, what is your stance on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?

Ben: After much deliberation, Lambda Chi and Northwestern have decided not to deploy troops.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: Ok. Good. Things could have gotten bad, depending on your point of view.

Walter Klondike™: Some people say that Lambda Chi is supposed to essentially be the police of the world. It’s established that role over the past fifty years. Do you think it’s a bit irresponsible to step down from that position?

Ben: You know, it’s ever since that one song came out that I’ve been wondering: step down for what? This is what we step down for.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: More importantly, what’s the deal with Benghazi? That’s still an important issue that hasn’t been resolved.

Ben: Yeah, once again, Lambda Chi has decided that the world would be better off if we were to just stay out of it.

Walter Klondike™: Who would play you in a Disney Channel original movie about your life?

Ben: How about Chris from “30 Rock”?

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: Oh wow.

Cocaine Silver: Yep.

Walter Klondike™: Yeah, I can totally see it. You’re just a blonde version.

Cocaine Silver: With your background of crime investigation as a Hardy Boy, would you care to recount one of the more disturbing mysteries that you’ve solved?

Ben: So, one thing that still haunts us and, I’m just going to put this out there, it’s not solved yet, but it’s the mystery of the two dollars. So, um, one of my colleagues in the past came home to what she believed was her locked house. And it was still locked, except there were two dollars out on her counter as if somebody had come into her home, taken something that they valued at two dollars, and then tried to repay her. And, she tore through her home, trying to figure out who stole it and what it was. And to this day, she doesn’t know what part of her life is missing and she doesn’t know if two dollars is nearly enough.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: That’s rough.

Cocaine Silver: Wow.

Ben: Yeah, we’re getting through it one day at a time.

Walter Klondike™: So we’re going to do a few rapid-fire “Fuck, Marry, Kills,” if you’re down for that. The first one is U.S. Vice Presidents.

Ben: I think I’d marry...Biden

Walter Klondike™: Ok, that’s a solid choice. He’s a family man.

Ben: I’d kill Cheney. You gotta kill somebody, it’s not that I want to kill him. I’m sure he’s a nice guy.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: He’s the master dark lord of evil.

Ben: [Laughs] And I can only remember 2 vice presidents at this point in time.

Walter Klondike™: Al Gore’s pretty hot.

Ben: Oh! Yeah. I’d fuck Al Gore.

Walter Klondike™: He’s got the morals too. He’s environmental and everything. Next one is Disney/Pixar characters.

Ben: I’d marry Mufasa, because he’s just the best. Might as well kill Jafar because he’s up to no good.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: Such a goofy villain.

Ben: So goofy. And then fuck Jessie from Toy Story 2.

Cocaine Silver: All American Girl. What about “Fuck, Marry Kill” Wildcat Welcome Board of Directors.”

Ben: [Laughs] Oh good lord.

Cocaine Silver: Ok, how about Hug, Marry, Kill?

Ben: Okay, hmm...None of this is safe [laughs]...Hug John Feldman, marry Andy Donaldson, aaaand….

Cocaine Silver: Kill with kindness?

Walter Klondike™: Mercy kill.

Ben: I’ll take the hit on this one. Let them all live.

Cocaine Silver: That was beautiful.

Walter Klondike™: And last one is Homecoming Court. There’s no hugs in this one, it’s Fuck, Marry, Kill.

Ben: Well, as you may have anticipated I’ve been prepared for this one because Emily [Mannheimer] came back with a story. I was appalled that she didn’t say that she would marry me. Not like that’s where we are right now.

Walter Klondike™: Crushing.

Cocaine Silver: Crushing that she just tossed you aside like a rag doll.

Ben: Well she said she’d fuck me. So that’s good.

Cocaine Silver: Good. But still, you’re not a piece of meat.

Ben: Right. She said she’d marry Brannon [Bowers] instead.

Walter Klondike™: I’ve heard good things about Brannon.

Ben: Yeah. So therefore, I’m going to kill Brannon, fuck Emily and marry Sean.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: That’s adorable.

Walter Klondike™: We were told to ask you about your relationship with Emily.

Cocaine Silver: Would you like to give a rebuttal of something you think she might have said? Just in case she revealed any information…Anything you want to cover for before she gets to the information?

Ben: Okay, although “All About that Bass” has been stuck in my head and I can’t stop singing it, I don’t like that song.

Walter Klondike™: Oh shit.

Cocaine Silver: That’s good to know.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: I might have just walked out of the room if you said you liked it.

Ben: I think it’s an overall negative message.

Cocaine Silver: What is the message?

Ben: Well you see it’s a song that’s in disguise as a positive message. Unlike a song like “Big Pimpin’.” Because like who’s going “Big Pimpin’” for their morals? But this song is like “Every part of you is perfect from the bottom to the top.” So you’re like “Oh, great! It’s about having a good body image.” But then it’s just like “My mom she told me, ‘don’t worry about your size, boys like a little more booty to hold at night.’” So it’s like oh, ok. It’s ok not to have a perfect body because boys prefer you that way? Is that really the best justification of why it’s ok to be who you are? I don’t think so. And then what’s even worse is that it sets up competition between women who look differently. Like she calls out skinny bitches. And then it’s just thin shaming instead of fat shaming. That’s not good.

Cocaine Silver: At first I thought when you said “My mom” you were talking about a personal experience.

Ben: [Laughs] My mom also told me boys like a little more booty to hold at night.

[All laugh]

Ben: I didn’t go out and write a song about it though.

Walter Klondike™: We have one more question. This is a hypothetical. Imagine you are in a romantic comedy and you have to run through the pouring rain to interrupt your soul mate’s wedding and tell her she’s marrying the wrong guy. What song is playing in the movie soundtrack?

Ben: That’s a good one. Ok so it would be the end of the song “Where We Belong” by Passion Pit.

Walter Klondike™: Oh, solid choice. I totally know what you’re talking about. It’s beautiful.

Ben: OR, or the music that plays when Mufasa in the clouds in The Lion King right before. And then when I’m actually going to run, it’s the song where Simba is running across the desert to go back to Pride Rock. That actually might be better.

Rev. Dr. Dee Dee Turlington, Esq. Atty. at law: Wow.

Cocaine Silver: I think I might tear up. That’s awesome.