CDC Raises Alarm About Celebrity-Child Rapper Syndrome

A press release from the Center for Disease Control was issued Monday urging citizens to be aware of the outbreak of CCRS—Celebrity-Child Rapper Syndrome—sweeping the nation.

The press release comes on the tails of the declaration by Gabriel Day-Lewis, son of Oscar-winner Daniel Day-Lewis, that he will become a rapper under the name “Gabe Day.” A self proclaimed “bipolar stoop kid taking care of biz,” Day recently released a music video explaining how hard it is to be the white male son of a rich and famous Hollywood actor.

“Obviously, it would be premature to call two cases an epidemic,” said CDC director Newman Yah, referring to Tom Hanks' son Chet Haze as the second. “But if you also consider Jaden Smith and Rich Hilfiger, then the picture becomes a bit more dire.”

The Center for Disease Control has come under fire in recent years in some quarters for failing to take a stand against anti-vaccination parents and for not enforcing strict guidelines on the meat industry in its regulation of mad cow disease, but Yah and his colleagues are determined to put a stop to CCRS before it can spread any further.