Frightened Geed Detaches Tail Mid-Party in Desperate Attempt to Escape

EVANSTON, IL – Wriggling wildly in frightened desperation, an eighteen-year-old geed is reported to have detached his tail in the middle of an off-campus fraternity party as a last ditch attempt to break free from the social gathering. The freshman, who tagged along to the party with a group from his dorm, entered into a state of confused distress 30 minutes after arriving, triggering this unconscious “fight or flight” response. “He got trapped between the beer pong table and the keg and just kind of went into a wide-eyed panic,” said one onlooker, adding that the geed soon began to thrash about, knocking over party goers and ruining a game of slap cup in an adrenaline-fueled state of alarm. “Then all of a sudden his tail comes off and he scurries away while everybody is distracted.”

Experts have stated that the adolescents of the geed species are prone to this type of stress reaction when away from their natural habitat on south campus. Saturday morning a spokesperson from the Northwestern Center for Geed Biology released a statement confirming that tail detachment is a common panic response in freshman geeds undergoing extreme social stresses, as was the case during this fraternity-sponsored event.

The latest reports on this developing story confirmed that several witnesses saw the young geed scamper into the thick brambly protection of Willard Hall to hide and tend to his wound.