From the Future: A Look Back at the 2015 Award Season
Here at the Sherman Ave offices, we have recently come into possession of a rift in time-space, allowing us to receive knowledge and information (dick jokes) from the future. Being that it’s now a new year, a time where everyone has their minds on the future, we thought this would be a good time to test out the rift. Today we asked it: “What was the 2015 award season like?” In return, future Sherman Ave sent us this article:
Hey heinous nation. Everyone loves awards season. Award shows are a great time to gather round the TV and watch as the already fabulously famous and wealthy receive EVEN MORE praise, recognition, and material possessions. So let’s take a look back at some of the more significant awards, and the starlets who one them.
The Oscar for Best Actor went to…Steve Buscemi!
Everyone remembers how Steve Buscemi rocked the box office and blew the minds of critics for his performance as Steve Buscemi in Wonderful Man, a biopic about famous Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi. Anyone who saw the film cried during the scene from Buscemi’s childhood where his dog, Skip, died after staring into the Buscemeyes for too long. Great performance, Steve! Buscemi also received Oscars for the film’s direction, screenplay, and original score!
The Pulitzer Prize for Non-fiction went to…Steve Buscemi!
Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi surprised his fans (re: everyone in the whole wide world!) this year when his best-selling tell all Being Busce-me hit shelves this fall! The book of course tells of the wonderful life of the marvelous Steve Buscemi, but you all know that, having read it, as mandated.
The NBA Most Valuable Player Award went to…Steve Buscemi!
SLAM-DUNK! Despite not playing a single minute in the 2014-2015 season, the National Basketball Association felt compelled to award Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi with the Most Valuable Player award, recognizing that none of the league’s players are even close to as valuable to the world as Buscemi. Keep up your game, Buscemi!
The Nobel Peace Prize went to…Steve Buscemi!
Who could forget the moment when the world realized that there was no greater path to peace than through following the wisdom of Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi? Buscemi knows all. Buscemi is father, mother, and friend to everyone. More awards now.
The 1975 Valley Stream Central High School Yearbook Superlative for “Best Eyes” Went to…Steve Buscemi!
We decided to include this one even though it’s TECHNICALLY an award from 1975, because in 2015, they finally gave it to who deserved it in the first place! Wow! Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi’s intense physical beauty was finally recognized by his foolish and heretical high school this year. Look at the Buscemeyes. They hold the beauty of a thousand horses. Heed them. Love them. Worship them. You are within them, they are within you.
The Adult Video News Award for Best Anal Sex Scene went to…Steve Buscemi! 
Please do not make us talk about this. Please, Mr. Buscemi, please. Have mercy.
The Steve Buscemi Award went to…Steve Buscemi!
The Steve Buscemi Award, recognizing achievement in Steve Buscemi, went to most revered Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi. Buscemi is love, Buscemi is all around you. You cannot deceive Buscemi, Buscemi knows all. Praise him. Adore him. Buscemi is love.
