Glassblowing Fraternity Reports No New Members For 3rd Consecutive Year

In an announcement made last Wednesday, the fraternity Alpha Crafta Crafta, Northwestern’s premiere glassblowing Greek organization, announced that their winter rush failed to recruit even a single member. Crafta’s founder and president, Jack Pepperman, expressed extreme anguish and sorrow at the week’s results.

“It’s been a tough week over here,” the Weinberg senior explained. “It made me so upset I shattered the lamp I had just finished, inspired by the chandeliers at the Cheesecake Factory.”

The chapter, formed three years ago, is currently comprised of only four seniors who all met through living in Ayers freshman year. “Lots of people discount Ayers for being just engineers and completely ignore it’s burgeoning artisan scene,” Pepperman explained.

The four friends decided to form Alpha Crafta Crafta, citing a lack of emphasis on the arts in the current Greek chapters. “None of the houses I visited had a kiln. None of them. I kept asking ‘Where’s the kiln?’ and people were just like ‘Haha grab a beer.’ Something had to change.”

The members spent the entirety of fall quarter planning for a week of events. “Monday was Giordano’s and glassblowing. Tuesday was Naf Naf and glassblowing. Wednesday we wanted to switch things up, so we kept it simple with just glassblowing.” Attendance was unimpressive, except for a small group of freshman who showed up to the first event thinking it was a Fireside Chat.

Artisanal greek organizations have had a historically hard run on Northwestern’s campus. Just last year, the doll-making sorority Iota Gamma officially had to shut its doors due to lack of interest. (Although unconfirmed, most people link their termination to the pile of severed ponytails found in their basement.) In addition, the taxidermy fraternity Tau Tau, known for their annual philanthropy event “Squirrels of Campus, Squirrels of Our Lives,” closed their doors last spring.

This year’s rush period was Alpha Crafta Crafta’s last chance at remaining on campus. They had everything riding on this year’s rush class, and their failure to attract even one single member among a student body of over 8,000 people marks the end of their short existence.

“There’s an old adage in glassblowing: ‘Just do it,’” Pepperman concluded. “ Maybe it’s time that we need to stop taking that advice and just don’t do it.”