Graffiti on Library Desk Finally Makes a Difference

It’s springtime, and once again I find myself Gollum-ing in the corners of University Library and resentfully perusing the Instagram photos posted by my friends who have already gotten out of school for the summer. “Oh, you’re vacationing in Jamaica? THAT’S SO CUTE I HOPE YOU GET REALLY TAN!!!!” As midterms have not proven to be effective means of stress-relief, I have begun the annual quest for some voice of reason and truth in a time of turmoil and self-reflection. Literally what the tits am I doing at this school. Why is it almost June. I once promised myself I would never do any learning in June. Searching through the scribbled counsel on the cubicles in Periodicals for answers or a shred of guidance, wondering how many more Nietzsche misquotes and Chinese proverbs it will take before I lose my shit, staring at an inscription done in blue pen that reads, “It gets better.” Does it? Because it feels like it’s forty-one degrees in late May and all my finals are scheduled for June 13th.

Help us, Oh Sharpie-Wielding Philosophers of 5 North.

But what, Ho! Right at the moment when I was being glared at in Periodicals for looking like a cracked out nut case, singing sweet nothings into the pages of my open planner, putting the finishing touches on my Gender Studies final paper entitled, “Dsdfk sdfj Ksdjhr Penisvagina,” the clouds opened up and I came face to face with the 11th commandment, scribbled on my desk by the magic hand of chance. Who, by the way, writes like a first grader. Such Promise.

“DON’T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE REF.” Of course! How could I have lost my way and forgotten! Just when hope was lost, it wasn’t. There I was, stressing out about my 300 pages of Psych reading, when out in the real world players were being hated! All the players I had wasted time resenting, it wasn’t their fault. And I had been hating the game, too! Thank God for that mechanical-pencil-wielding frat star for reminding me that it’s the rule MAKERS not the rule BREAKERS who deserve our disdain.

So then I screwed my Anthro problem set and didn’t call.

Justice.