NOTE: Sherman Ave sent out requests for interviews to each Homecoming King and Queen nominee. Those who were heinous enough to accept were interviewed by Ross Packingham and/or Evander Jones. Seriously, this is real.
Kirk Vaclavik is a senior who has been nominated for Homecoming King. Check out how awesome he is here.
Ave: What are you studying at Northwestern?
Kirk: Communication Studies and Legal Studies and Integrated Marketing Communications.
Ave: So when did you discover your passion for Integrated Marketing Communications?
Kirk: I'm obviously passionate about stringing long words together. Everything I'm studying is super long. I used to do a lot of speech competitions and theatre and mock trial...and all of my love for speech communications led me to marketing. And now I've found that I'm interested in researching who people are and how to target them.
Ave: What's your favorite kind of person to target?
Kirk: My super-conservative brother.
Ave: Great. So why did you choose to come to Northwestern?
[At this point, the interview was briefly and rudely interrupted by a girl from Connecticut.]
Kirk: The balance of a lot of things. Close to a city, but not the congestion of a city. School spirit and hard academics. But also, a big factor was the School of Communication.
Ave: And where are you originally from?
Kirk: Carrollton, Texas.
Ave: What are your favorite and least favorite thing about where you're from?
Kirk: I think my favorite thing about Carrollton is that the culture there promoted doing a lot of development work and really graced me with a mindset of service. My least favorite part is that I think there isn't room for many opinions or discussion about a lot of them.
Ave: Who is the most famous or relevant person to come from your hometown?
Kirk: Vanilla Ice.
Ave: Oh no - I said relevant.
Kirk: [laughing] Lance Armstrong is from a couple miles away from me. And he is no longer relevant.
Ave: So if you had to marry, screw, and kill someone on the Homecoming Court, who would it be?
Kirk: If I had to marry someone, it would definitely be Kyra Woods. Hands down. I would spend my life with her.
Ave: Would you say your spirit animal is a silverback gorilla or a rabid mutt?
Kirk: A rabid mutt, for sure.
Ave: Could you talk about your favorite childhood pet?
Kirk: The first time I got my own pet was when I was 16. My friends gave me a hamster.
Ave: And what was the hamster's name?
Kirk: Chadwick.
Ave: That's a very good answer. So can you talk about your favorite Taylor Swift song and how it represents what you've learned throughout your life about overcoming adversity?
Kirk: Putting your foot down and saying, "We are never ever getting back together."
Ave: What's the funniest thing that has ever happened to you that involved both sexual tension and rodents?
Kirk: Sexual tension and rodents? I was dissecting a shark in my anatomy class (with a whole wall of 20 hamster cages behind me) and my teacher came up to show us where the vas deferens was and she shoved her finger right up the shark. It was jarring.
Ave: [laughing] Sounds like jarring is a pretty generous word. I'm impressed that you involved hamsters in that. So would you dance if I asked you to dance, and would you run and never look back?
Kirk: Yes.
Ave: Great. Alright, so what's your favorite a cappella group on campus and what song would you most like to hear them sing?
Kirk: Oh my god. I really want Extreme Measures to sing "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together."
Ave: One more question. So if everyone on Homecoming Court was one of the twelve tribes of Israel, which one do you think Brad Stewart would be?
Kirk: Jacobites.
Ave: I'm impressed that you were able to answer that question.
Vote for Kirk for Homecoming King HERE!
