LEAKED: Trump's Instructions to the White House Chef

Washington, D.C.- As the Trump family moves into the White House, many changes are taking place within the house itself. There will be no more dancing! There are around 130 rooms in the White House, all of which a top Trump aid has been thoroughly decorating be making sure every item of furniture is either white or gold. That’s it. Those are the best colors. Everyone knows it. You know it. This morning, the aid also proceeded to hand the highly acclaimed White House Chef a list of the Trump family's diet requests.

The White House Chef said this list could not be more different than what he is used to in the White House. "This list is sort of terrifying, but nothing scares me more than knowing George W. Bush is only capable of eating baby food. For eight years, I scooped different Gerber products on to White House plates. At least this is better than that." He had no further comment.