5 Scary Halloween Costumes That Still Aren’t as Scary as Every Day Happenings of This Country

Every day is a new nightmare under the current administration. If you want a scary, topical Halloween costume this year, here are a few ideas! If you want a costume that is scarier than waking up and reading the news every day- that’s impossible! Sure, Pennywise the Clown is SCARY, but he’s not as scary as Trump’s diversion tactics in his defunding and dismantling the EPA.

1. The Grizzly Bear Betsy DeVos Thinks Will Be Attacking Schools:

Some may remember back in January when Sen. Christopher Murphy of Connecticut asked Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos if she thought guns had a place inside schools. Guess what? She did! DeVos responded that each school should get to decide whether or not they want to keep guns within their school, citing the example that it may serve as protection from a grizzly bear. For this costume: be a bear. Or, if you want to have Halloween sex, be a sexy bear. Or, say you’re going as Betsy’s Grizzly bear and then just don’t go to the party. Bears aren’t in schools! Guns shouldn’t be either!

2. Honestly, Betsy DeVos Herself

See above. For this costume: wear a dark pantsuit and wire rimmed glasses and be the fucking worst.

3. 280 Character Tweets

Hey, I’m on twitter to see videos of Nazis being punched in the face and to check up on Lil B. I’m not here to read a short novel! 280 characters is exhausting. We are millennials. Since twitter has become the primary form of political engagement, go as the scariest 280-character tweet you can think of. This should be simple, as even 180 character tweets have been light declarations of war recently. For inspiration, see:

4.    Ted Cruz’s “intern”

When Ted Cruz’s official twitter account “liked” a 2-minute-long porn video on twitter account @sexuallposts this fall, the internet thought long and hard about what sort of porn Ted Cruz likes. You can get creative with this costume. It’s all based on your own personal theory behind who favorited the tweet. If you think it was really an intern, dress up as someone who would intern for Ted Cruz: a poorly dressed virgin. If you, like me, think it it was Ted Cruz pretending to be an intern and experimenting with masturbation, dress up as Ted Cruz masturbating. I promise you, you will have the spookiest costume of all.

5.    BONUS/ COUPLES COSTUME:

Ivanka Trump can be one half of many couple’s costumes. Ivanka and Jared, Ivanka and “The President,” Ivanka and her forgotten sister (Truffle(?)), the list goes on. The scariest costume would have to be my personal favorite coupling in Ivanka’s public life: Ivanka and Fake Feminism. Ivanka’s look can be found in stores that sell her clothing, shoe, and handbags. Fake Feminism/White Feminism’s look can be found ALL over the internet if you need inspiration. Just remember that Ivanka’s name is still used synonymously with feminism, while she remains a “top advisor” in her father’s administration.