Man dies after mistaking Norris redesign for doctor's waiting room

EVANSTON, Illinois -- A man died this Tuesday after confusing the newly redesigned Norris Center with his doctor’s waiting room.

The man, Harris Fanmeyer, waited 15 hours for an operation before his appendix finally burst across the hospital-looking furniture.

“It’s an awful tragedy,” EMT on the scene Paul Stevens said. “But it could have been prevented had this Norris hospital just supplied a fucking doctor.”

Fanmeyer’s wife, Christine Fanmeyer, blamed the Norris staff for her husband’s death.

“We walked past the Starbucks and knew this had to be his doctor’s waiting room,” Christine Fanmeyer said. “There was a faint smell of sanitizer, and everywhere we looked were grief-stricken, sickly humans.”

In response to Fanmeyer’s unexpected death, a petition to make Norris look “less like an abortion clinic” and “more like an indoor picnic” has garnered more than 200 signatures.

1:44 p.m. UPDATE: The hashtag #TreatMeAtNorris has been trending in response to Fanmeyer’s blatant lack of medical attention received from the Norris Center Hospital.