Opinion: I still don't know what the fuck GES does

Every April, Northwestern students from the Global Engagement Summit come together to do… something. Who the fuck knows. No, seriously though, does anyone actually know what GES does? I’ve been at this school for three years. I’ve made a few friends, and some of them are on GES, yet I still I have no goddamn idea what they do. I don’t even think they know what GES is. I imagine they saw an application and said, “Nice, I want to join this organization that I don’t understand.”

So what I do know is that people talk during the summit. But it’s not stand-up or poetry (I think). So it’s, like, speeches? I really couldn’t tell you. There seems to be some social justice aspect to it, so that’s good. Right? Yeah? They make a lot of promo photos of people smiling in front of signs that say “Why GES,” which really doesn’t help since I have no fucking clue what GES is/does. Is it a club for that promotes dry-erase boards?

Let’s just go through the name. The first word is Global, so that means it happens around the world. Cool. Proud of Evanston for making it to “global hotspot” status. Maybe it has to do with travel, like airplanes. Ok, sure. GES is a gathering of airplanes. I’m listening.

ENGAGEMENT! Nice, a buzzword! Let’s engage. Let’s have some engagement. Look, my ex is engaged. I’m so happy for her. We’re engaging around the globe by using airplanes. Ok… this probably doesn’t have to do with marriage. I mean, this is college for goodness sake! Maybe it’s less serious. Maybe it’s just dating. Speed dating on airplanes around the globe. An international dating service. Alright. I dig it.

Summit. Honestly, I have no idea about Summit. Summits are mountaintops, but Illinois is flat as shit. Wait, summits can also be meetings between governmental heads. So it’s like the UN? But flirty. Flirty UN all around the globe, baby. Sounds like quite the International Dish!

So politicians from around the world go on planes to meet up, mingle, and then hook up. That’s what I’m getting from the name. And quite frankly, that’s hot. Activist Deray Mckesson is the keynote speaker. I would assume, given what we’ve learned, that Mckesson is single, or at least down for a casual weekend fling. So that’s GES I guess.