Survey Shows Morty’s Top Answer “Who?” When Asked about Student Groups
EVANSTON— A survey conducted by a group of independent researchers from the Northwestern University Psychology Department shows that Morty’s top answer when asked about student groups is “who?” Morton “Morty” Schapiro, Northwestern’s President, sat in his office tossing darts at a picture of his fat eleven-year-old self when researchers approached him with questions pertaining to his opinion of Northwestern students groups.
“Yeah, I think I’m a man of the students,” said Schapiro. “Throw me anything.”
Researchers proceeded to sit down in one of what they described as “surprisingly comfy, but unwelcoming” office chairs. The survey posed a set of 100 questions with the format as follows: “What do you think about [student group]?”
Results show Morty’s top answer “Who?,” followed by “What?” and “Aaaaaah, you got me!,” with the latter including the action of “Morty shaking his index finger at me while laughing until beads of sweat formed on his forehead,” according to the researchers' report.
The implications of the study remain inconclusive. Researcher’s presume further analysis of the studies will conclude that Morty, does in fact, “not give a shit.”
