To Bail, Or Not To Bail?

To bail, or not to bail, that is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer
An evening with Kelsey’s friends in Boystown
Or to take Arms against three hours of trouble
And by texting, end them: to nap, to sleep
To ignore; and by a sleep, to say we end
the El train and the fifty dollars lost
on drinks with the crew? ‘Tis a temptation
devoutly to be wished. To nap, to flake,
To flake, perchance to piss off Kelsey; aye, there’s the rub
for with Kelsey, when the next event may come
you won’t get an invite because you ditched the last time
must give us pause. There’s the respect
that makes a friendship of long life:
For who would bear the Melodrama and Obligation,
the Ex-Boyfriend’s wrong, the proud woman’s Scorn,
the pangs of despised Frenemies, the Train’s delay,
the problems at the Office, and the time
it takes to get dressed and get there
when you yourself could get back in bed
and lie within? Who would this commute bear,
to grunt and sweat to Belmont
but that the Fear of Missing Out
of the chance encounter, from whose bourn
an extraordinary evening, puzzles the will,
and makes us rather bear these unmemorable nights,
than risk Instas that we not know of.
Thus Snapchat does make cowards of us all,
and thus the native hue of Filters
A clever caption, with the pale Geotag,
An enterprise caught forever in this moment
with this regard your Feed turns bright
And jealous are the friends not invited. Soft you now,
The bed calls. Nymph, in thy pillows
Be all my sins remember’d.
Good night, sweet prince.
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

Also, Kelsey’s a bitch.