Translating Fancy Restaurant Menus

Don’t you hate it when you go to a fancy shmancy restaurantay and the menu is in a different fucking language? Never fear, Sherman Ave is here to translate that gibberish for you. We actually found that most restaurants don’t even know what they’re saying, either.

Jorawini-a classic dish consisting of a large, savory sausage stuffed with broiled spinach and mozzarella cheese grilled to perfection, seasoned with crushed red pepper and garlic.

~translation~

“You’re a weenie”- So we take a hot dog and we shove some spinach up in there and then we take this spicy shit and throw it on top. And it’s $55 and you're gonna order it and tell your date you like it cause you want to impress her and you know damn well your 4-inch pencil dick is not gonna be able to speak for itself.

Vukivano- a delicious lamb meatball dish loaded with mushrooms and scallions with a thick mixture of marinara and a cream sauce with basil served over an assortment of wheat noodles.

~translation~

“Fuck if I know”-The chef really just had a field day with this one. He basically took some meat (he thinks it’s lamb) and threw that over some day old noodles. He called ‘em wheat so it wouldn’t be weird when they tasted funny. Which they will.

Saggiatata-Free-range, organic grain-fed oven roasted chicken breast garnished with a sauce of tomato and pesto, both harvested from the sun-dried fields of Campagna, Italy served over a hearty serving of garlic seasoned mashed potatoes.

~translation~

“Saggy tatas”-So this is just chicken’s tits with some leftover sauce that they found in the fridge and then mixed with bacon grease to make it taste like something. And also mashed potatoes.

Fishifrendi Notifudi—A rustic, simple vegetarian linguine pasta containing breaded artichoke with lightly tossed zucchini and asparagus with a drizzle of fresh aired olive oil: a healthy spin on a traditional Italian dish, full of fiber and protein.

~translation~

“Fish are friends, not food”--They really needed to have the obligatory vegetarian dish for all the kale-crazy betches. Don’t be fooled: there’s probably some meat in this somewhere.

Spaghetti and Meatballs—yep.

~translation~

"Spaghetti and Meatballs"—yep.