Monsanto Presents: Party-Ready Cocktails

With planting season approaching and spring in the air, there’s no better time to start planning your first outdoor party in your Roundup Ready^TM fields celebrating our 100% safe pesticide. Being the fun-loving corporate giant we are, we’ve come up with a list of tasty drinks that will be sure help you Roundup^TM your friends for a great time. The GMOre

2 oz Gin

2 oz Monsanto’s Roundup^TM Weedkiller

4 oz Orange Juice

Tangy and delicious, this drink is perfect after a long day in the soy fields. You’re already covered in the stuff, so what harm could a little more Roundup^TM do to your system? That’s right—NO HARM. This safe and refreshing drink will have your friends begging for G-M-Ore!

Monsanto Kool-Aid

1 part Vodka

1 part Monsanto’s Roundup^TM Weedkiller

1 part watermelon juice

Sugar from Roundup Ready^TM sugarbeets, to taste

Feeling nostalgic? The flavors in this cocktail will bring you back to those childhood summers spraying the fields with Daddy and not increasing your risk of cancer. The best part is, thanks to our fantastic lobbyists and outstanding relationships with government officials, there’s no law forcing you to label this drink as containing genetically modified sugarbeets! Just sit back, sip away and remember—they’re just like normal crops…just like normal crops…just like normal crops…

The Monsantorita

3 parts tequila

2 parts lime juice

½ part Roundup^TM Weedkiller

Salt harvested from the tears of environmental alarmists, for rim

Ice

This recipe was inspired by the margaritas served at migrant labor workers’ celebrations that totally happen because they are not overworked nor exploited. Although they didn’t know it, Roundup^TM was a part of their recipe as it contaminated the water supply they used to make ice! Since it’s safe, we elected not to inform surrounding communities about the groundwater contamination. ANYWAY, this recipe is perfect for everyone’s favorite night of the week—Taco Tuesdays—or any festive summer fiesta.

Well, there you have it. These drinks would be our top three favorites at Monsanto, although we haven’t tried them because, as you know, “we’re not stupid.”

Are you into doing things that are morally questionable or think the environment is boring and nature should be replaced with something cool like a skate park?  Well APPLY TO WRITE FOR SHERMAN AVE and help us start the #SkateParks>Trees movement!