Caving to Twitter Demands, Northwestern Admits 11,000 Extra Students to Class of 2019

Northwestern University released acceptances to its class of 2019 about a week ago, much to the joy of the thousand or so students receiving acceptance letters. However, after checking Twitter and noticing how many students claimed that Northwestern was “really missing out on something” or had “made a big mistake,” the admissions department quickly offered acceptances to all 11,000 applicants who pointed out the error of the University’s ways.

“I can’t believe that we’d been so short-sighted,” sighed Northwestern Dean of Admissions Christopher Watson. “After months of careful consideration of every student’s application, we were sure we’d made the correct choice. But, seeing how many mistakes we’d made pop up on twitter, we-we knew that we had to repair our wrongdoings as well as we possibly could.”

When asked about possible contributing factors—class size, competitive fields, other schools being better choices in the long run—Watson shook his head and laughed. “We have a saying in the admissions office,” he said, chuckling. “The applicant always 100% definitely for sure knows better than we do, always.”

“I’m so excited to be coming to the school! Go ‘Cats!” said Emily Saperstein, better known on twitter as @sassysaperstein. Her tweet, “Just got rejected from #Northwestern, those bitches are losing some Grade A mind-beef #justsayin” was supposed to be a way to just blow off steam, but instead became her ticket to a second chance at the school.

“What can we say?” said Watson when shown the tweet, “Who would say no to more mind-beef?”

The Northwestern incoming class of 2019 now has around 15,000 students, making it the largest class the school has ever accepted, and also tripling the school’s population.