Why I’m Single, As Told by My Dentist
- “You have a tomato sauce stain on your shirt.”
- “You cancelled your last 3 appointments.”
- “You don’t wear your retainer.”
- “Mmm your teeth are a little crooked.”
- “You don’t floss enough.”
- “You don’t floss well.”
- “Do you own floss…?”
- “Do you still want cookie dough flavored toothpaste?”
- “You have another cavity”
- “Your sister doesn’t have cavities.”
- “Your teeth are really sensitive.”
- “I see you’ve been eating lots of pizza.”
- “And guacamole.”
- “Is that lettuce? Good for you!”
- “Jeez, these gums are pretty puffy!”
- “You need to brush ON. THE. GUM.”
- “So you’re in college now right? Incredible.”
- “Who woulda thunk it?”
- “So liberal arts, that’s scary isn’t it?”
- “I guess being poor is right for some people.”
- “Do you have time for boys?”
- “What about…. girls?”
- “Nope nope boys got it.”
- “…Well maybe you should think about girls”
- “Oh you have.”
- “Does your mother know about these thoughts?”
- “I’ll just give you my pastor’s number.”
- “He loves Jews!”
- “Great ok well you’re all set here.”
- “See you next week for your drilling.”
- “Say hi to Pastor Ted for me.”
- “Oh and don’t worry about the Freshman 15, at least you’re smart!”
