Listen up, The Table! Here Are 5 More Brand Collabs That We Want and Need
The story of The Table’s founding is nothing short of heart-warming: Just your classic group of self-made entrepreneurs lifting themselves up by their bootstraps*. This diverse group boasts one LA native among four from New York. The startup scene at NU sure has been on fire with budding** entrepreneurs*** lately!
This Saturday, we’re sure to witness undeniable proof that one of the founders is in the acclaimed Medill IMC certificate program: The Table is joining forces with Dance Marathon. A few days later, The Table is combining forces with eo, (the type of bike you always see that one girl in Theta riding!)
Marketing WIN! Weird awkward peer pressure to sign up for DM that forces you to invent or predict a family emergency as an excuse to not sign up, bikes that take you between Econ 202 and ZBT, on top of three whole menu items?! This has us steaming with excitement. Lucky for you, we also got wind of some future collaborations that will be coming to us from the only Garage startup to ever get its name from something so innovative as “literally the first thing I saw when I was sitting in my room playing 2k.”
*Jeremy’s dad’s golf buddies who all chipped in their bonuses to the KickStarter
**financially self-sustaining
***Canada Goose owners
Here are the five brand collabs we’re dying to see next!
1. The Table x Burlesque
Last year’s winning act is eager to team up with The Table; we just knew they’d find another time to use those bacon shaped nipple pasties!
“I’m super excited about this one. It’s not like I haven’t seen boobs before but uh, I mean, shit. I’ve heard plain oatmeal is an aphrodisiac?” -Gerald, McCormick freshman.
2. The Table x AKPsi
Network with a brother’s uncle who wears an ankle bracelet ever since he was convicted of insider trading but can still totally get you a Goldman internship!
Rumor has it The Table will be adding a specialty item to their already stacked menu: cocaine (50% off before 10 am)! AKPsi gets it directly from the cartel (well, they get it from Titanic who gets it directly from the cartel); let’s pray the markup isn’t too bad.
3. The Table x CRU
One Sunday morning in January, an overly-enthusiastic youth pastor will be at the cart to administer communion and make off-putting comments about how good the sex with his wife has been since they waited until marriage.
Note: The Table is looking for a brave volunteer to be crucified for this event!
4. The Table x THUNK
Food with a show! For this collaboration, the stars of THUNK will switch up from their traditional all-black getup and instead exclusively wear pale flesh-colored clothing, the same nauseating tint as our strawberry-banana smoothie!
SPECIAL DEAL! Buy one sandwich (ok, Hawaiian roll with a Kraft single) and get a second one FREE to give to a singing member to eat while singing! Come prepared to have fun and possibly administer the Heimlich maneuver.
5. The Table x Old SafeRide
The old SafeRide employees have absolutely nothing to do other than be full-time students and scramble to find new employment after having the rug pulled out from under them. So, on this day, they will be driving the cart around campus!!
For an added fee, you can ride the cart with them to reminisce on the good ole’ days when SafeRide workers were not 55-year-old, dry-skinned men.
With these dynamic duos, there’s no doubt that there will be a line out of The Table’s door. Just kidding, they don’t have a door! They are literally located on the street. Anyway, at the end of the day, the Table has something for everyone...as long as “everyone” is limited to people down to slurp watery oats at all hours of the day.
Additional reporting by Girlboss Baby.
