Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Interviews: Kayla Brackett

In the past two weeks Sherman Ave has interviewed the 12 members of Northwestern's 2015 Homecoming Court to have them reflect on their Northwestern experience, their roots, the band The Roots, and the movie Taken, among other things.

In our first installment of the year Smangston Hughes, Jenny Talia, and Walter Klondike™ talk to Kayla Brackett about her ice skating, embarrassing middle school experiences, and may or may not make her do a prank call to First Bank and Trust in Evanston.

Smangston Hughes: So where are you from?

Kayla Brackett: I’m from...well technically I’m from Howell, Michigan, but I say Ann Arbor because no one knows where Howell is.  It’s like a dirt road middle-of-nowhere place.

Walter Klondike™: What are you studying and what are you involved with on campus?

KB: I’m studying economics and urban studies and transportation logistics, and I’m involved in a variety of things.  I am a PA, and I’m on exec board for DM, and I’m involved in my sorority Alpha Phi, I am on the club figure skating team--I love that, it’s really cool--and...random things I forget about…

SH: And what are you most looking forward to about Homecoming?

KB: Umm...all the athletics involvement.  So things with the game, and uh...is this bad because I don’t actually know what Homecoming does? (Laughs, but not just her, everyone did.  It wasn’t weird)

WK: Yeah, neither do we.

Jenny Talia: I don’t think anyone does.

KB: I think I’m like in a parade?  Maybe?  But I don’t know.  Ok, yeah, I’ll find out.  But the surprise; I’m most excited about the surprise.

SH: Who do you think is your biggest competition?

KB: Umm I honestly don’t know everyone on the court either, so that’s awkward.

WK: Strike one.

SH: I can bring up some names for you.

KB: I can tell you who I would vote for.  Is that legal?

WK: Yeah, sure.

KB: I would vote for Iheoma--MoMo.  She’s so funny.  She’s great; she’s a PA too.

WK: Oh we had our interview with her yesterday.  She was awesome.

KB: Yeah, she’s just like a helpful loving person.

WK: So, are you familiar with the movie Taken?

KB: No, maybe?  Is that the one where, like, they take a person…

JT: Yes, someone gets taken.

WK: So, imagine you have been taken.  Who on the Homecoming Court would you want to be your Liam Neeson?

KB: Oh...umm…Ok, I really don’t know that many people on Homecoming Court, but I think Haley Hinkle would be scrappy.  Like secretly scrappy.

SH: So we were going through your Facebook and we saw references to something called “the macing incident,” and we were wondering if you could elaborate on that.

KB: Oh--if this is what I’m thinking about--my best friend’s name is Kayla, so we’re Kulla and Kulla [Editor’s Note: We don’t know if this is the correct spelling or what constitutes this jump in logic].  And we went to Canada once cause why not?  Funzies, Canada, and I live in Michigan.  And she brought a can of mace with her, and they ask you when you cross the border “Do you have any firearms, weapons, things to declare?”  And she froze up and went “uh...uh...I have mace,” and it’s this pink keychain of mace.  And they pulled us over, searched our whole car, made us get out, and confiscated her two dollar keychain thing of mace.

WK: You can do a lot of damage in Canada with a can of mace.

KB: Yeah, yeah.  You should come to New Year’s Eve in Canada.  It’s a fun time.

(Laughs)

SH: Also, you’re in a sorority, and we were wondering if you have any tips about what Sherman Ave can do to stay top tier.

KB: Umm...I think you guys will always be top tier cause you’re the most funny [Editor’s Note: This was not coerced, we promise]  So just be yourself.

SH: You’re on the figure skating team.  How many times have you decapitated someone while attempting the Iron Lotus as seen in Blades of Glory?

KB: Seven. (Laughs)  No, zero, but there was this one time that I was warming up for a competition, and you swing your leg to loosen up, yadda yadda.  But I was not paying attention and I kneed a girl, like with my skate--with my toe peg.

JT: Ooh!

KB: So I may or may not have cut her quad.  But it was fine, she still competed and it was great.

WK: That’s some Tonya Harding stuff right there.

KB: Oh it wasn’t intentional, but maybe.

WK: Ok, imagine I’m Morty and you have 10 seconds to make me cry. Go.

KB: (Pause) You’re gonna have no financial backers for the whole year.

(Laughs)

KB: You won’t get anymore money for the endowment.

WK: That’s amazing.  That’d actually probably work.

JT: So, besides me, who was your favorite in last year’s PA group? [Editor’s Note: Jenny Talia was in Kayla’s PA group, which I shouldn’t have to say because we’re at Northwestern and you know how to use context clues.]

KB: Umm, is it bad...I was gonna say--no, nevermind.  I was gonna say let me think of everyone’s name.  No, they just all blend together.  I love them all equally.

JT: What was your favorite year?

KB: Well I’m not done with this one yet so I feel like I can’t answer that, but I have like 45 children, which is a lot.

SH: Who’s your least favorite kid?

KB: Can I tell you my least favorite advisor?  My second year.  I won’t name names, but…

SH: Interesting.  We’re gonna do some research. [Editor’s Note: I’m so sorry guys we totally spaced on this one.]  So, you have worked at both Goldman Sachs and Citibank as an analyst.  I keep all my money in a checking account.  Where should I invest to make the big bucks?

KB: I feel like you should just hold onto it so you don’t lose it, cause I feel like you would lose it. (Jenny Talia guffaws)  No, just kidding.  Give it to an asset manager and right now something that I think would be a hot commodity is tech security.  Because tech obviously is blowing up, but information security things.

JT: Good advice.

SH: Should we play a round of Truth or Dare?

KB: Yeah! Umm...truth.

WK: Damn it.

JT: We don’t have a truth.

KB: Ok, dare!

SH: Great choice!  So you like banks.  So we were wondering if you could call the Evanston First Bank & Trust and see if you can get hired there on the phone.

KB: (Laughing) Like actually?

SH: Yes, we’re going to call them up for you and you’re gonna pitch yourself.

KB: Great.  What’s my codename?  Can I pick a codename?

SH: It’s up to you.

KB: Ok.

(Smangston dialing)

Phone: First Bank and Trust, Georgia speaking, can I help you?

KB: Hi!  My name is Cassie Sham and I’m a student at Northwestern University, I’m actually entering my senior year, and I know I just want to get a jump on things--looking for full-time employment post-graduation--and I’m looking for a job at a bank because a lot of students go into investment banking.  So I just wanted to talk to someone at your branch, maybe I could set up a call to talk about opportunities at your location here in Evanston?

Phone: (Long pause) Ok, hold on. (Longer pause) This is Maryanne.

KB: Hi!  I’m sorry I don’t know if you got any of the information but my name is Cassie Sham and I’m a rising senior at Northwestern...(laughing uncontrollably)...I’m so sorry I have to go.

Phone: Ma’am I can’t understand what you’re saying.

KB: I’m so sorry I really have to go thank you for the call. (Hangs up, drops phone on table triumphantly)

(Everyone laughing a lot)

KB: I’m so sorry, I could not keep it together.

JT: The first lady was just like “Here, talk to someone else.”

WK: I would not have been able to hold that together.

KB: Yeah, I have to cold call a lot of people.

SH: Is that your pitch?

KB: No, I have my whole Northwestern pitch.

WK: Maybe she thought you were crying instead of laughing.

KB: Yeah! Like “please give me a job!”

SH: “Ma’am, you have to calm down!”

(Laughs)

SH: Anyways, we saw that you have some very “cutsy” pics in front of the Eiffel Tower, canals in Venice, and other places in Europe, and we wanna know whether you consider yourself “worldly” now and, more importantly, what your thoughts are on the Iran Contra Scandal.

KB: I would not consider myself worldly, because I do not have edumucated thoughts on Iran’s Contra Scandal.  But, I did get to bop around a little bit after working this summer, so that was a nice breather after an 80 hour week thinking.

JT: (Loud hiccup) That’s a lot of hours.

WK: Well I think Ronald Reagan was a liar.

SH: Were there any Wolf of Wall Street Antics this summer?

KB: Uhh… I can’t confirm or deny. Um. There were a lot of rooftops. A lot of rooftop activities.

WK: What’s your favorite conspiracy theory?

KB: The moon. That one’s a go to.

WK: That it doesn’t exist?

KB: No, that nobody landed on the moon. I think that space is fun and interesting. I followed the whole Pluto thing, you know, the spaceship to Pluto.

WK: Oh, yeah. That happened really recently.

KB: Yeah, but sometimes people are just like “we didn’t go to the moon.” That’d be sad if we didn’t.

WK: That would be really sad. Buzz Aldrin once punched a guy in the face for saying we didn’t go to the moon.

KB: Really?

WK: Yeah! He’s an old--old fart.

(Laughter)

WK: Are you a fan of Facebook Sticker Packs?

KB: … What are Facebook Sticker Packs?

(Unanimous sigh)

WK: No. Dammit.

JT: Noooooooooooo.

KB: I’m not like, very social media apt…

WK: (interrupting as he is obviously miffed by Kayla’s obliviousness to the wonder that is Facebook Sticker Packs) Alternate Question: What’s your most embarrassing middle school moment?

KB: Ohh… so many to chose from. Um. Ummmm. I was just awkward in general. Like the most awkward child. So, most Northwestern students are awkward, but, I was like gung-ho awkward.

SH: Like the ultimate frisbee team? “Gung-ho” I believe it’s called. So you’re calling the frisbee team awkward? You might be losing voters...

KB: A demographic? Yeah. I think I got club sports. Don’t worry. Just kidding. But, I don’t think this is just one incident, but, I think I was the last person to catch onto “the skinny jeans trend.” You know in elementary school how you transitioned from bell-bottoms to skinny jeans?  Yeah, in middle school I was definitely the last girl to get a pair of skinny jeans.

JT: You rocked those bell-bottoms ‘til the end.

KB: Yeah like seventh grade… That was. That was me.

JT: What was your favorite memory from freshman year?

KB: Oh! umm. Freshman year…

JT: Of high school.

KB: Oh? I don’t know if I can remember back then. Umm. Did I do anything exciting? No. Well I skated and danced a lot. So I travelled for competitions and was well, very competi-

JT: Gung-ho?

KB: Yeah. Gung-ho.

SH: Did you have any college interviews on the same day as a big skating tournament?

KB: I didn’t do college interviews. Is that a thing?

SH: Yeah.

WK: What movie is that…

SH: “Ice Princess”

(Laughs)

KB: I always wished I was, like, I could figure that out. I wanted to be that smart person. Because, well I was “the smart skater girl” and we had this program. It was called “DART” or something. It would video tape you skating, then do slow motion and look at the angles, and your spin rotation. That was basically it. But, this was all while I was leaving. They were coming up with all that cool technology!

WK: As a follow up to that: Is there a God?

KB: Whoa. Too deep, too deep. Ahh.. Unclear.

WK: I’ll put that as a “no.”

KB: Ok. (laughs) Undecided? … Like many freshman.

SH: Have you heard of the app, “Rapchat”?

KB: No. Well I told you I’m not, like, social media savvy.

SH: Well we’re going to give you a beat..

KB: Oh no. No no no no no.  

SH: Yeah. And you’re going to make up a rap to the beat. It’s only like thirty seconds long.

KB: … Can I give you my favorite rap video?

SH: No. It’s going to be about your favorite parts of homecoming and homecoming in general. So we’re just gonna drop like, a sick beat.

KB: Oh… Can I tap out?

SH: Uhh no? This is serious.

JT: This is Rapchat.

KB: Oh God.

SH: Ok I’ll give you a preview of the beat. [SH was obviously feeling generous that afternoon]

(SH continues to whip out his trusty iPhone and play one of the sickest of beats Rapchat has to offer)

JT: Only guys in ZBT are actually good at this, so it’s ok.

KB: Can I call Hannah Merens or someone? Oh no.

(The sick beats starts again)

SH: So. It’s recording.

KB: um… (unintelligible gurgle) Can I dance instead?? Do the new student dance?? … no?

SH: (rapping) Kayla B.

KB: (quickly) In the house?

SH: The houseeeee.

KB: For homecoming!

SH: There ya go.

KB: Um. Lots of games. Football. and Friends. Alumni. Bands. The End!

WK: Oh shit.

JT: That was good.

KB: That was awful. It was so bad. Wait. How about you go? Yeah. You should drop one. Like mine was inspiration.

SH: Um… ya… maybe… maybe later.

WK: I’m sure you’re aware there are some pretty strong protests trying to keep you off the homecoming court. What’s your message for the haters?

KB: All the haters? Well, haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. And, I don’t know the next line but you can continue that. Like, substitute the rest of the song.

SH: You’re like prettier than they all say you are.

KB: Hair flip [Editor’s Note: yes, she actually said that while flipping her hair]. Just kidding. I didn’t even know I was on homecoming court for a long time. So it’s ok.

SH: Like, you're not that annoying, you know.

KB: Oh good. Thanks. That means a lot to me.

WK: This is going to read so badly.

(Laughs)

KB: It’s alright.

SH: Ok.  So we’re going to play another game. It’s called: “Fuck, Marry, Brutally Stab to Death with a Rusty Fork” with the other members of the Homecoming court.

JT: This will be fun because you don’t know most of them very well.

KB: Yeah. I don’t know them…

SH: But, we have a list of names here. You can look at faces, scroll through them, you know.

JT: Yeah just judge based off of faces. That’s fair.

KB: Um… I don’t think I could kill anyone. I feel like killing is a personality trait and..

WK: Well it’s not just kill. It’s “Brutally Stab to Death with a Rusty Fork.”  

KB: Oh wow.

WK: We are very specific.

KB: Yeah, yeah. So the fork too? Not just a knife? A rusty fork?

SH: A dull rusty fork.

JT: Yeah. Like, a “you’re dead but now you have tetanus too” sort of situation.

KB: Ok… Oh yeah they did put our pics up there [on the Homecoming website]! It’s pretty cute.

JT: Your pic looks good.

WK: Yeah you could judge your murder target based on their extracurricular involvement. Anything really.

KB: Yeah ok well. Not that I’d kill myself, but, ah. Can I just substitute that one? I can’t kill anyone... that’s so mean. I’m too nice for that. And then… Can I fuck Eliza Abramson? She seems cool and...spirited…or, I was going to say spunky.

WK: So you’re into the status hook-ups?

KB: Sureeeee. Unclear. I’d marry Brad though because he actually is very chill and sweet and a lovely human being.

JT: Fair.

KB: One of my (PA) kids just texted me. I have to make sure they’re ok. I have to go meet my kids for dinner.

FIN